Notes from the Boneyard: Cereal killer

It has recently become aware to me (via Cartoon Chris) that there is a website out there dedicated to documenting the free gifts that come with Kellogg’s cereals throughout the decades.

It dates from the present day right back to the 1950s.

The site itself looks like it was built on an Amstrad from the ‘80s, which only adds to the charm.

It’s the kind of site you can spend days getting lost in.

Remember those bike reflectors in the packets of cornflakes?

The willow play set with the packets of Frosties?

Or the pencil top figures in the shape of Snap, Crackle and Pop from the boxes of Rice Krispies?

It takes you right back to the good old days.

You remember things that you forgot that you remembered.

The excitement of it all comes flooding back.

Your inner child becomes a monster, and you find yourself at 9pm on the isles of Asda, filling the shopping trolley with all kinds of cereals, looking for the best free gifts.

But there aren’t any these days.

No more bike reflectors.

Those days are gone.

So you have to make do with the next best thing.

The cereals themselves.

You realise you can’t remember your last bowl of cornflakes.

What do they even taste like?

They must be good if they’ve been around since the dawn of man.

Many cereals have come and gone, but the cornflake has reigned as the superior king among cereals.

They will be around forever.

Two things will survive a nuclear fallout.

Cockroaches and cornflakes.

You buy three boxes.

Your hands shake as you are putting them through the check out.

You nearly crash three times on the way home.

You can barely get into the house fast enough.

You rip open the box; cornflakes scatter all over the kitchen.

You pour a bowl until it overflows.

You are hungry now.

Hungry for that taste of nostalgia.

Now the only question remains.

Hot or cold milk?

To get the full experience, you roll with hot.

While it heats up you stick on an episode of Terrahawks.

This is it.

You are going back to the ‘80s.

A kind of time travelling voyage.

The cornflakes are now ready.

Just a little sprinkling of sugar, and you are good to go.

The theme music for Terrahawks plays as you sit down with your hot bowl of cornflakes.

You savour that first spoonful.

For a brief moment, you are in 1984.

Then you begin to question it all.

You were waiting for something bigger here.

But the cornflake didn’t deliver.

You had built it up in your mind.

And you discover that, in actual fact, the cornflake tastes… just okay.