Notes from the Boneyard: A weird little corner of hell

by Mark McCausland

Another record fair last weekend, this time in a random village in Mayo.

I got the call last minute, so I loaded my car with records and made the trek, set up my stall and waited for the punters to arrive.

And arrive they did. In their hordes.

But not to buy records.

It seems they were there for the beer van.

And for some reason they all brought along their dogs, like some sort of fashion piece.

The dogs barked loudly non stop while the bearded owners sat drinking their craft beer.

It was like a petting zoo.

Why do people act like you’ve just murdered their granny when you tell them you don’t like their loud, smelly, annoying, overly-enthusiastic dog?

Meanwhile the DJ doesn’t get the vibe at all, and is playing really loud obscure funk through massive club speakers.

It’s 11am.

He’s bopping his head like he’s doing everyone a favour by being here.

He’s clearly the only person enjoying this.

Looks like he’s still on the go from whatever nightclub he rolled out of last night.

He doesn’t realise the party ended many years ago.

In fact, the whole place seems like the aftermath of some forgotten rave from from the ‘90s.

It’s a weird vibe in this garden.

Everyone seems to be drunk or topping up from the night before.

But nobody is speaking.

Just staring blankly into thin air with their designer drinks.

What did I miss here last night?

What scene took place?

There are thuggish bouncers here with walkie talkies.

It feels like something is about to kick off.

It’s Sunday morning!

The DJ is stepping it up a gear now, like he’s on Top Of The Pops or something.

He’s started to dance, wildly.

He’s cranked the volume up to 11.

All I can hear is weird funk and dogs barking.

Nobody is buying records or even looking at them.

Just sitting there, getting drunker and edgier.

What am I doing here?

It’s like its own little corner of hell.

Weird vibe. Weird, weird vibe.

I decide the only thing to do in the situation is to leave my stall and order one of those beers everyone’s drinking.

If you can’t beat em, join em.