Grieving Strabane family pays tribute to ‘Healing Hearts’

A CHARITY quiz night held in Strabane Golf Club last Friday has raised over £3,000 for the Foyle Hospice’s Healing Hearts service.

The night was held by the family of local man Barry Reid who passed away last year and coincided with what would have been his 50th birthday. His wife Lorraine undertook the charity night as a form of thanks to the Healing Hearts programme, which continues to provide support for the couple’s six-year-old son.

Based at the Foyle Hospice, Healing Hearts is a counselling service which helps children aged between 4 and 16 deal with the impending death of a loved one.

Barry Reid, a former tiler and bathroom developer, was first diagnosed in 2017 with tonsil and lymph node cancer. Unable to return to his profession due to ill health, he and sister Edelle sold street food and baked goods under the guise of Baz & Ed’s. It was during this time Barry began to feel ill again.

As his widow Lorraine explained, “Barry had a backache but we had been so busy, we were flat out, so he thought it was just that. As the weeks progressed, the pain got worse and worse and went down his leg. Eventually, he was sent for an MRI and given co-codamol, which wasn’t even touching the pain. By May, Barry couldn’t walk, he couldn’t sit, he could only lie down, and so we knew there was something really wrong.

“In June 2020, Barry had an urgent MRI scan in the Cancer Centre. The MRI was at 10am and by 4:30pm, we found out he had tumours on his spine. The next morning, they discovered it was in the lungs as well.”

Radiotherapy and chemotherapy were undertaken but, in March 2021, Barry had to go back to see the doctor and it was during this visit that the couple were given the gut-wrenching news that the cancer had spread throughout his entire body. Barry was hospitalised and eventually admitted to the Cancer Centre in Derry. By this stage Barry was unable to speak and was given a month to live.

Lorraine was given a leaflet about Healing Hearts and was contacted firstly by the Hospice and then Healing Hearts facilitator Michelle Kosky. Michelle from Healing Hearts called Lorraine to guide her through how to break the news to son, Harry, who was just six at the time.

Detailing the heart-wrenching moment she had to break the news to Harry, Lorraine continued, “Harry came home and he had won Pupil of the Year that day, the school gave it to him early because they knew what was happening with his Daddy. Harry came home that day full of the joys and left the wee trophy up beside Barry and was sitting telling his Daddy all about it, despite Barry being unconscious.

“Joanne the palliative care nurse from Foyle Hospice and Michelle from Healing Hearts prepped me on what to say to the children, correct terminology and such, that Daddy was ‘going to die’ and not ‘going to sleep’. I sat Harry down and told him his Daddy was going to die very soon. The tears flowed and they just wouldn’t stop. Harry knew it was cancer because we had spoken about it. At the time, I felt like I had ruined his wee life; it should have been one of the happiest days for him and I felt like I had shot that to pieces but looking back, I know I did the right thing.

“It’s something you think you’re never ever going to have to do with your children.

“On the Tuesday morning I got Harry ready for school and he came in and kissed his Daddy goodbye and he said: “It’s very sad, isn’t’ it, Mammy?” and I said: “Yes, it is, darling, it’s very sad indeed.”

“Then he asked me: ‘When do you think he will go to heaven?’ and I said: ‘It’s very hard to know.’ Barry died very peacefully the next morning.”

Lorraine said that she will always be grateful for the guidance from Healing Hearts at the most difficult time of her life. It has allowed Harry to make new friends and Lorraine to find support through other bereaved spouses.

“Michelle got involved just two days before Barry died but I couldn’t have done it without her,” Lorraine added.

“I wish that I had spoken to someone when Barry was diagnosed. We knew he wasn’t going to live but we didn’t know how long. Harry is very open and he’s a talkative wee boy. He has a memory box full of pictures and decorations associated with a different memory. He always looks forward to going to see Michelle. Wthout Healing Hearts, I dread to think of how he would be because I don’t think he would be the same child. Michelle has really been there for both of us.”

“I wanted to give back to Healing Hearts because they have done so much for us. All the things Healing Hearts do costs money. It is a charity so you have to give something back. The quiz has enabled us to raise much-needed funds.”

Lorraine urges others facing the same difficult time trying to prepare their children for the death of a loved to make contact with Healing Hearts at Foyle Hospice.

“I would say try and get as much help beforehand, if possible, because Michelle prepares children before someone dies as well. I would strongly encourage people to use this service, without a shadow of a doubt.”

If you would like further information about Healing Hearts, please contact 02871 351010 or email michellekosky@foylehospice.com. You can also ask a health or social care professional to make a referral for you.