Something in the post

Friends have started sending me stories about dogs. I don’t mean Brothers Grimm or fairytale-type stories featuring dogs (although those would be nice) but rather stories about dogs which have made the news for one reason or another.

I think, because of Waffle, friends assume that I’m interested in dogs in general but the reality is, I’m rightly dogged out at this stage, what with the Hound’s fascination with dung, dead animals, allergies not to mention his constant whining. I want to reply to these shared stories in Whatsapp with a succinct, “I couldn’t give a monkeys about dogs,” but instead, not wanting to appear too grumpy about things, more often than not I return a thumbs up emoji.

Most of the time though, ever true to the canine cause as I am, I’ll click into the stories to find out what has befallen our hairy friends and why they have made the news. Most of the time, it’s only necessary to read the headlines to gain a gist of the article. Like…

Dog rescued from cliff edge after having been stuck for more than a week.

Or,

‘I couldn’t get him to move’: Dog owners struggle through US heatwave.

Or my favourite headline this week…

Ruff life: Texas town launches massive manhunt with drones to find missing dog with bowl on his head.

In this latter case, you’ll be glad to know, the dog with the bowl stuck on his head was eventually found and rushed to the nearest vet, most likely to have his head examined.

However, another sad story was sent to me this week, one involving domestic abuse, dog abuse and, in general, life abuse.

It involved a court case whereby a Co Antrim postman avoided jail for kicking his partner’s dog in ‘anger over work pay.’

The postie in question admitted to a string of offences including assaulting his now-estranged partner, causing criminal damage to the back door of her home and, most importantly for the theme of this column, causing unnecessary suffering to a dog.

The story went thusly…

During a hearing at Belfast Magistrates Court it was said that police were alerted to a domestic incident at the defendant’s home back in May.

A prosecution lawyer said police spoke to the defendant’s partner, who said the postie had come home in the morning “very angry and upset about his pay.” The woman went on to say that the defendant had entered the bedroom where he “kicked the dog off the bed and the dog hit the wall.”

The ex-partner asked why he had done this and the man then grabbed the dog, and said, “I am sick of this. I am getting rid of it.”

As you might imagine, the case continued in a very unsavoury vein and at one point the postie attempted to drive away with the dog before eventually threatening to burn the house down.

By way of mitigation, the defending counsel said that his client had admitted to the offences and was now disgusted by his actions. Now, while there is no condoning of the incident (very unsavoury, as we have said), I tried to put myself in the postman’s shoes to gain an understanding of why he acted in the way he did. The court heard that he was annoyed about his wages but I think there was more to it than that. I think this was a man pushed to breaking point by pets.

My theory goes thusly…

The postie, having run the doggy gauntlet for the umpteenth time that day finally cracked.

Maybe he was sticking a letter through a letter box and narrowly avoided having his fingers nipped off by an angry Poodle. Maybe he was growled at by a slavering Alsatian when he was trying to leave a parcel on a doorstep. Maybe he had to run for his life when Shih Tzu – Dobermann cross chased him across a yard. Maybe he was just fed up to the back teeth being the target of wayward doggy attentions and then –THEN – when he finally made it back to the succour of his own home there was another dog waiting for him in his bedroom – a taunting physical manifestation of all his canine torments. Crack!

As I said, I cannot condone the incident but at the same time, I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor postman – as well as the dog and the now ex-partner.

Everyone was a loser in this situation. And yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if Waffle’s wayward doggy attentions will someday make me crack. Would I, newly enraged at some new slight, clean him out of it with my size seven and crash him against a wall? Would I threaten to burn the house down? Would I tie him up in a bag and head to the river?

Admittedly, there have been incidents whereby Waffle has enraged me to the point of blindness (see blood pressure prescription as exhibit A) although on balance, I’m fairly sure that I can manage to keep a lid on things – so long as Waffle himself doesn’t actually burn the house down.

Crack!