My Constant

See that beautiful doggy jumping out at you from the page, that’s Tat. Tat has been my constant companion for the last 14-and-a-half years until a few weeks ago when I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put him to sleep. There’ll be more about that experience later, but first you need to know a little more about the big, bustling, barking, ball of love that was Tat.

Let’s go back to the summer of 2009 when I took a notion that I’d like a dog. I decided I wanted a Cocker Spaniel, but as you can see that’s not how things worked out. I saw an ad in the paper for Springer Spaniels and thought a quick look wouldn’t hurt. Up the Knocks Mountain I went to a farm where I met Tat for the first time. There he was lying like a king on a sofa with his brother, after having just finished a dinner of potato skins and leftovers – yes even at eight weeks old he was a bottomless pit. There was no turning back at this stage, one of these little dudes was coming home with me, but which one? Well, you see that black spot on Tat’s nose, that’s what made me pick him. So home we went, each of us as shell-shocked as the other.

First night

From day dot there was only Tat and I in the house, our bond was immediate and unbreakable. I remember putting him down for the first night in his new home. I had a bottle of warm water in a towel tucked in beside him in case he missed his brother, but I was fully prepared for a night of wailing as he adjusted to the change. The whole night through there wasn’t a sound. The next morning I opened the kitchen door tentatively, half expecting to find he had died during the night, but I was met with a hungry little pup, wagging his tail and jumping up to say ‘good morning’. He never looked back and from then on, that’s how every day began, even when it took a little longer to get to his feet.

On one of our first walks we were caught in a storm. The heavens opened and thunder and lightning began. I rushed to get him home in case he was afraid, but he didn’t really seem to mind the noises from the sky. Later that afternoon I was doing some hoovering and I turned round to see a shaking little pup standing beside a steaming pile… the vacuum had literally scared the poop out of him (thank God for wooden floors). But that was typical Tat, he wasn’t afraid of the thunder because he was stuck to my leg and he knew I’d look after him, but when the hoover was in the middle of us he couldn’t get that reassurance and his bravado deserted him. Sometimes he hid it well, but really, he remained a big scaredy-cat throughout his life.

Room in his heart

With only the two of us living together there was no dispersing Tat’s affection. Yes he had room in his heart for anyone else who came into our lives, but even when the house was full of family and friends his eyes sought mine. He was happier nowhere else than beside my leg having his ears rubbed. I was his constant, and he was mine.

Over the years we walked and we walked. Thousands of miles were covered across all sorts of terrain; you only had to lift his lead or put on your runners and Tat was on his feet prepped and ready to go. His favourite adventures were on the beach, as he galloped through the waves trying desperately to catch a seagull… just once he wanted to win. He even dreamed about these days. There he would be fast asleep in front of the fire when his legs would start going, you knew he was getting closer and closer to that seagull every time.

Life became tough

As happens for us all, the years started to catch up with Tat and life gradually became tough for us both. About a year ago he started to need medication for dementia and arthritis, daily tablets and medicine helped to control his discomfort and slow down the disease, but his legs still became heavy. Our walks became shorter and shorter as he could no longer clock up the miles. He still came bounding out the door when his lead rattled but his energy abated pretty quickly. The spirit was always willing even when his body let him down.

A more recent development of a brain tumour meant we had to face the reality that our dog days really were nearly over. Gentle and professional advice from our vet guided us to the decision I hoped I’d never have to make. An appointment was booked for the process, and with our time limited I set about making his last week the best possible, a Carlsberg week if you like. We went to the beach, where Tat still had the Zoomies with excitement, but only briefly. There was gravy with every meal and chicken and sausages featured heavily on the menu.

When that Saturday arrived, we had to go. Leaving our home and the people who loved Tat was a horrible moment, there was no hiding place now. I was determined this was not something Tat would have to face alone, we had done everything else together so I wasn’t letting him down now. But I never imagined how tough it would be. All I can say is that for Tat he couldn’t have been happier. He was eating chicken out of my hand (yes, I brought it to the vets), and he died being cuddled tightly in my arms. There was no fear and no more pain for my beautiful doggy. It was a passing many of us humans would be happy with.

So now we’re in a post Tat era. And I’m fully aware that he was a dog, not a person. Across the world people are dealing with unimaginable tragedies and I’m upset about a dog. I am allowed to be sad, but not for long, Tat was put on this earth to make people happy and that’s what he did best. Soon the memories will bring smiles.

Now my walks are longer, but lonelier; my house is cleaner, but quieter; and my heart is fuller, but heavier. Tat, old doggo, I loved every minute, and I hope you catch that seagull.

–Thanks is extended to Kevin Maguire and all the staff at the Brook Veterinary Clinic in Enniskillen for all their support. Kevin your kindness will never be forgotten.