Tarting things up

When (or if) I get to heaven there will be a few things on my wish-list. I mean, life isn’t exactly a bed of roses sometimes so when the time comes to kick back for an eternity, I’d say we’ll all be ready for a few creature comforts. I know I will.

NO.1

I would like a simcoe-hopped, west coast style, IPA on tap, preferably with an eternity’s supply of Cheetos Twisted Flamin’ Hot.

NO.2

I would like a fridge stocked with every cheese that ever existed, a never-ending supply of crackers and chutney, and some cool grapes as a counterpoint to the rich fromage.

NO.3

I would like a window-box which would contain the finest asparagus spears in the universe, emerald green, vibrant, yearning to be eaten and what is more, they’ll never go out of season.

Barring some real butter, seasoning, maybe the odd egg or two and a few slices of ham or bacon (some of senior residents beyond the Pearly Gates should be able to sort me out on that front – one of the kinder apostles maybe), I reckon that would be me set up for the long haul. And a long haul it would be, unless there’s a relegation system in place for people who don’t tow the line.

I may or may not have said this before but I think it’s the fleeting nature of the asparagus season that keeps me hooked, that and the fact that I generally avoid the Peruvian imports (I can’t ignore that succinct hint of air-miles) for the rest of the year.

Ultimately, since I’m only eating local asparagus for the month of May, I can’t get enough of it.

Boiled, steam, roasted, barbecued, fried… I’ve tried asparagus just about every which way over the years and do you know, my preferred method of consumption is always the same: Just tender with butter, seasoning and lemon juice. If it’s not broke, don’t break it, right?

I now find that I have to double up on the emerald spears any time I see them. One bunch to eat simply, with the butter and lemon combo and the second bunch for inclusion in a recipe – like this little one, but we’ll get there in a minute.

As time has turned the page, I have come to realise that asparagus has two best friends; companions who complement one another at every turn. Those friends? Eggs and swine.

Like many others, I used to take great delight in wrapping my asparagus spears in Parma ham or prosciutto and then roasting in the oven for a few minutes until the thin-sliced meat crisped along the edges and the asparagus wilted a little.

After that, the little parcel might be dipped in balsamic vinegar, or dusted with parmesan or eaten simply as is.

It wasn’t until I knocked up a hollandaise sauce once upon a time, that the parcels really began to sing. There it was: Asparagus, swine and eggs, with the spears providing the sweets freshness, the cured meat the salty tang and the eggs the velvety richness – a match made in heaven, you might say.

That means that asparagus frequently finds its way into my omelettes, quiches and even – as of last Friday night – spaghetti carbonara, which was a thing of devourment wonder.

However, this little recipe is one that I come back to time and again, if only to remind the off-spring that vegetables can be decadent too.

Baked asparagus tart with ham and eggs is dead easy to make (so long as you’re buying the puff pastry) and dead easy to over-dose on. A rare dish which works equally well for breakfast or lunch or dinner, I could eat this gear to a band playing. Now that I mention it, maybe a house band would be another good insertion for the wish-list.

INGREDIENTS

• 300g of all butter puff pastry
(I used pre-rolled stuff)

• small bunch of asparagus spears, about a dozen pieces

• 1 tsp of olive oil

• 60g of grated cheddar

• 3 tbsps of cream, double or whipping

• 50g of mozzarella, torn into pieces

• 3 slices of ham, also torn into pieces

• 3 or four free range eggs

• grated parmesan

THE PLAN

Start by pre-heating the oven to 180C and as that’s happening, take the pastry out of the fridge and unroll onto a baking sheet you have cunningly lined with baking parchment.

Run a knife along the edge of the pastry, about an inch or so inside from the edge. You want to score the pastry without cutting all the way through. Place the puff into the oven and let it rip for ten minutes or so until well risen and golden.

As that’s happening, blanch the asparagus spears in boiling water for no more than 30 seconds. After this time, remove from the hot bath, run under cold water to stop the cooking and then toss in the olive oil and some salt and pepper. Set aside.

When the puff is risen, take this out of the oven and using a sharp knife, cut along the line you scored and gently push the middle of the pastry down with the back of a spoon.Mix the cheddar and the cream, season a little and then dot this all over the base. Tear up the mozzarella and do the same and then lay on the ham and asparagus spears.

Crack the eggs on, taking care not to bust a yolk and then give it a final seasoning and return to the oven for about 14 minutes or until the eggs are just set. Give it a final dusting of grated parmesan and that’s it.

There were moans of delight and pleasure on Monday evening when I served this up, hot out of the oven. And best of all, there’s a square left in the fridge today for yours truly.

NO.4

I would like to have delicious left-overs in the fridge at all times.