By 
By Paul Moore
Lily Allen has been trending over the last few weeks for her latest album which outlines in detail the breakdown of her relationship with her partner, now ex-partner. The album is interesting – for clarity I have heard none of it – because it has received unanimous praise and apparently there has not been a word of adverse criticism from any aspect of the media.
A few years ago such heart-searching on behalf of any woman, and the kind of detail she revealed about her partner, would have been heavily criticised and especially in relation to the ‘secrets’ which it would have been said should have been kept within the relationship. (I did read an interview in which she said that the things revealed were not necessarily all true but were based on things which did happen.)
I was thinking about this Lily Allen phenomenon while attending a couple of seasonal dinners with colleagues. Normally they are my idea of hell, hastily prepared food served by harassed staff in places which are more than often out of control with customers, usually men, who should have gone home a number of hours previously. On both occasions this year, however, while there were still busy kitchens and staff, there was not the same menace in the air, the feeling that something could kick off at any moment. Looking around the room it became clear what might have been different about this year. Both restaurants were full but mainly with tables made up entirely of women.
Obviously this reading of the situation is anecdotal only and not based on any kind of real evidence but it seemed as though tables full of women were giving out a completely different aura than men, or indeed of mixed tables I had encountered in previous years.
There was, of course, alcohol being consumed but it seemed civilised, and there was a camaraderie unlike that which surfaces when men are congregated around drinking.
There was also an air of celebration of themselves as well as the time of year and I lost count of the number of them photographing each other in front of the Christmas trees in each venue. Of course this is probably influencer nonsense of some kind but it was the fact that each was willing to celebrate how the other looked without envy or rancour. This surprised because I have often been told that women are not good at supporting each other and can be especially vicious about colleagues when necessary.
There were, of course, groups of men but they were quiet and engaged in private conversation, certainly not expressing in any sense the group dynamic which was emanating from the women. Myself and a colleague were with a group of such women and it was refreshing to simply sit back and both listen and watch aspects of these colleagues which we would never see in the workplace.
At an appropriate time it was as though some signal was triggered and the women as one packed up, said their good-byes and left. I do not know if they went to another venue for madness to ensue but I almost hope they did.
I have no idea if any of this is important or if it matters but the more I thought about it the more it came back to Lily Allen.
The thing which manifested itself most in those two meals was a quiet confidence which the women are now carrying.
In a recent article Allen said that ‘Men are having a tricky time at the moment. But that’s really not my problem’. I know what she means and I am glad I am not a younger man negotiating this space because in truth, at my age, it is thankfully not really my problem either, Lily.
