Doors are wide open at Omagh Men’s Support Group

Though most of us would agree that little good comes from bottling things up, and that a problem shared is indeed a problem halved, many men still find it difficult to talk about the stresses and strains in their lives.

Inhibited by outdated notions of what it means to be a man, they struggle to see how joining a support group could improve their life, relieve their suffering, and help them build meaningful friendships.

However, for those who are willing to take that first daunting step inherent in seeking support, there is a group of local men waiting to welcome them into their midst. They are Omagh Men’s Support Group.

“The group was set up in the early 2000s after a psychotherapist identified the need for a safe and secure space for local men to talk about the stresses and issues in their lives,” said Gerry Madden, the group’s facilitator.

Gerry, who has also been a professional social worker for the last 40 years, explained to us the core ethos of Omagh Men’s Support Group, what men can join, how they can go about it, and, ultimately, why they should.

“I took this role on a temporary basis nearly two decades ago,” said Gerry, “and, to be totally honest with you, I have always got far more out of it than I ever put in.”

Since its inception, Omagh Men’s Support Group has been run from the Tara Centre, 11 Holmview Ave, Campsie, Omagh.

Every Monday night, from 7.15pm-9.15pm, a group of men make their way to Campsie and meet under the roof of the Tara Centre. Some of the men will talk about their lives, relationships, children, mental health, money worries, addiction struggles, and innumberable other sources of strife and angst, while others prefer to simply sit and listen.

“Generally, we will chat about what has been happening in our lives, both positive and negative. Some people will speak, others will not,” said Gerry.

If you are speaking, explained Gerry, you are given what is known as the ‘talking stick’ to let everyone know that you have the floor.

“The idea of the ‘talking stick’ might sound strange, but it is a piece of hazelwood taken from The Burren in County Clare, and it has been with the group for 15 years. It is symbolic.

“It has been present while many men have shared their stories and experiences.”

If you choose to speak, explained Gerry, you can then decide whether you would prefer feedback or not.

“Again, some will, some won’t. It is a personal decision. There are no real rules in the group, except one; what is said in the room, stays in the room.”

Explaining the paramount importance of confidentiality, Gerry said, “The whole thing relies on people feeling like they are in a safe, secure space, therefore, that is what we maintain. Total confidentiality. Nothing leaves the room. That is guaranteed.”

“It takes an awful lot of courage and guts to make the first step and actually come along,” said Gerry, “so we try to make access as easy as possible. We do not want form-filling or assessments to put anybody off. The less barriers we can have, the more chance a man who needs us will come along.”

To join the group, all you have to do is get in contact with Gerry.

“Usually, a man will call me, we will have a chat, I might meet him for a coffee, and then I will ask him to come along for a few sessions. You cannot get a good gauge of the group from a single session, so I always encourage people to come for a few before they decide whether it is for them or not.”

“Some of the men have been here for years, others only stay a few months. There is no prescriptive time on how long you should stay once you become a member,” said Gerry.

“The core dynamic of the group is giving and taking,” said Gerry. “It is a combination of self-help and shared peer experience. What one man has learned through his experience might help another.

“Though none of us are therapists, the group can nevertheless be therapeutic.”

Gerry explained, however, that the Omagh Men’s Support Group is not just about offering and receiving emotional support. It is about building broader, fuller friendships.

“It is about making friends and lending practical support where you can,” said Gerry.“For example, if one of the men have an electrical problem and there is an electrician in the group, they can ring them up and ask for a hand,” said Gerry.

These friendships, Gerry said, often take root over the course of many Mondays, only to bloom when the group head away on trips.

“Last week,” said Gerry, “we were in Donegal,” said Gerry, “and there was plenty of craic, informal caring and sharing, and you could see the men becoming closer, more comfortable with each other.

“This is what the group is all about. True friendship. True support.”

To contact the group, you can call Gerry on 07799 472968 or email gerry27.madden@ gmail.com. You can find out more about the group on www.omaghmenssupportgroup .com.