Men on a Mission

By Davy Ralston

When Aiden ‘Cookie’ Dunne lost his wife Veronica during Covid, following a short illness, his world changed forever.

After Veronica’s passing, learning how to deal with grief and loss started to take its toll on the Strabane man.

Like many men in mourning, Aiden struggled with burgeoning negative emotions and how to deal with them. But while others might have turned to destructive behaviour such as excessive to dull the pain, Cookie knew from experience that that was a dead end path.

“I could be sitting in Croke Park with 80,000 people and still feel lonely,” Aiden said. “Or I could be walking down the town with the head tipped slightly down hoping that no-one would stop to offer up their condolences – only to find that if they didn’t, I could feel instantly angry.”

However after becoming involved with a local Men’s Shed he found that by listening and talking with another two men in particular, who had previously lost their wives, it became easier for Cookie to share his own grief and sense of loss. This, in turn, gave him the idea of starting a group for men who have lost their partners. Men on a Mission was born.

ORGANISATION

Cookie subsequently approached Strabane Health Improvement Project which supplied a room for the new Men on a Mission meetings, wihle Strabane Community Project also came on board to supply tea, coffee and biscuits and with that, the new mends group was ready to go.

Currently, the Men on a Mission group has been running for around two months and now provides a safe, secure and relaxed space where the men can talk about their feeling or alternatively, just sit quiet and listen.

One of the Men on a Mission participants, Gerard Devine explained that it’s their “own talk therapy” model which they are learning from each week.

Gerard said, “I don’t need a shoulder to weep on but I do appreciate that people show an interest, share a joke and a chat and that’s enough.”

There is no format to what these Men on a Mission can discuss. Anything goes, from football to sport to Middle Eastern politics or even the normal day-to-day topics of conversation.

Guilt, though, is one topic which the men try to reconcile; the times that they weren’t at home or working away or when could they have done more – the men all grieve collectively, coping in different ways, all of which brings a different strength to the group.

LAIUGHTER

Humour is one of the stand-out features of the group and although sometimes laughter can mask loneliness and grief, in this case it works as a catalyst to the men opening up to one another, while navigating emotions that can be crushing or hard to convey.

For others, hearing how many held their “deceased loved one in high esteem means a lot,” remarked John Henderson.

In the last session participants talked about Valentine’s Day and drew great comfort from each other while reminiscing about past encounters; they obviously enjoyed the banter and as the men relaxed into the meeting they exchanged stories about their.

Charlie Duffy suggested, “You learn to cope, but you don’t want to really get over it.” This was a point on which everyone agreed.

MEETINGS

Some of the men are recently bereaved whilst for others, it has been many years; all still suffer.

During the meetings, the chat can jump from subject to subject with various conversations going on at the same time and yet, it works. There is a definite warmth within the communal support, the camaraderie, the banter, the listening ears, as well as tea and biscuits.

Going forward, the group is taking baby steps but at the same time is collectively learning something new each week, helping one another to come to terms with the feelings and thoughts that accompany the loss of a loved one.

Gerard added that the topics they discuss are all real and come from their own experiences. “It’s not sitting with someone giving pointers on a white board.”

While Men on a Mission remains a fledging group, one still in its infancy Cookie and the lads remain determined to get the message out, which is: We can help one another deal with the issues, help each other cope and provide a listening ear to those in grief.

Men on a Mission meet at Strabane Health Improvement Project on Mondays from 12 noon to 1.30pm and look forward to welcoming new members.