The end

Over a decade ago, famed astrophysicist and renowned ponderer of the secrets of the universe, one Stephen Hawking, suggested that in order for the human race to survive, it would need to find a way off planet Earth.

At the time, during interview, the late Mr Hawking reckoned that our species may have less than 200 years to find its way off this spinning sphere and escape.

“It will be difficult enough to avoid disaster in the next hundred years, let alone the next thousand or million,” he said. “Our only chance of long-term survival is not to remain inward-looking on planet Earth, but to spread out into space.”

Citing a number of potential endgames for our species including the devastating impacts of climate change, a wayward asteroid slamming into Earth or a conquering species of alien life forms arriving unannounced and armed, Mr Hawking believed it that would be safer for man and woman kind to have colonies on different world as a kind of back up plan.

“The human race shouldn’t have all its eggs in one basket, or on one planet,” he said. “Let’s hope we can avoid dropping the basket until we have spread the load.”

I was reminded of these sentiments this week when the Orion spacecraft, one part of NASA’s new Artemis Moon mission set a new distance record.

The ongoing test flight saw Orion travel some 270,000 miles away from Earth – the furthest any spacecraft designed to carry humans has ever gone. To put that into a context that we can almost appreciate, the distance from Dublin to Belfast is just over 100 miles, Mizen to Malin is 350 and in planetary terms, the circumference of the Earth is a tad over 40,000.

Currently, there are no astronauts in the capsule although according to plans, brave souls will be embarking on a new moon mission by 2024 and another aim is to return people to the surface of the moon for the first time in 50 years. Ultimately, though, the plan is to have humans on Mars at some stage – spreading the eggs to another planet, just like Mr Hawking advised.

This all sounds very positive of course, not to mention adventurous.

However, my niggle-y inward-looking self can’t help wondering about the cost of this recent NASA escapade, especially in the context of the current cost of living crisis – or as I like to call it, this ship-show of a money grab from the rich.

Some time ago, I worked out that, living roughly 20 miles away from my work, it costs me approximately £10 for a round trip. Two days’ travel is £20, three days is £30, and so on.

Now, if we say that to travel one mile costs 50pence and we apply that to Orion’s 270,000 miles (and remember this is a mere jaunt and not an essential trip into work), we can say that this single trip cost the American tax-payer £135,000. I don’t care what anyone says, but that’s some diesel bill for a week in space – and the capsule still has to, then, make it home!

However… Take into account creating the rocket (the biggest one ever made of course – they’re Americans, after all), staffing the project, wear and tear on the tyres, break pads, shocks, window-washing fluid, anti-freeze (it’s cold in space, I hear – colder than Castlederg), and a Magic Tree to keep the capsule smelling fine and dandy, and the diesel bill isn’t even the worst of it.

Take into account too that Artemis and Orion are hardly fuelled by red diesel, nor would said rockets be as frugal as my 1.6 Ford Focus engine.

Considering the cost of fuel and all the necessary add-ons, I was forced to have a quick hoke around online to find out how much this whole palaver (great word, that, palaver) is costing. The answer: $35billion.

That’s more than the GDP of some countries!

No, Mr Hawking, and with the greatest respect, sir, I’m not sure we can afford a flit to a bigger house in these times of austerity.

The proverbial wolf is at our collective door, pal. The credit cards are maxed out. Mr and Mrs Human Race are going to be Lidl regulars for the foreseeable future.

In short, we’re skint.

And anyway, maybe it’s not such a good idea for us to set up shop on another habitable planet. What if someone lives there already? We all know that we haven’t exactly been too generous in the past when it came to moving in beside our neighbours.

Literally, any indigenous people can attest to that.

No, no, no, Mr Hawking. We’ll have no more of your fancy-Dan theories and postulations. It’s time to put the fire on, take the tae, and mind our own business for a change.

We can’t even take care for our own planet, let alone going in search of another one to wreck.

The end.