Home Schooling Week 5

Day 2… I took the children for a walk today, I figured it might help calm them before hitting the books.  All I heard was that they were so cold, so bored, so tired and that they missed Minecraft, so we just turned and went back up the driveway.

 

OK, the number bonds thing isn’t really working out for us but I figure we are grand because I’ve yet to come across anyone in life that takes a sum, splits in into 4 more sums to get the exact same answer.  There’s no need to complicate things… Mary goes into the shop, she wants 10 green apples.  How many ways can we help Mary add to 10?  6+4 , 5+5…  just count the damn apples Mary and stop over thinking things, we are in the middle of a pandemic!  Nobody needs to be standing in a queue behind you whilst you fire out a few maths equations to buy apples that you probably won’t eat anyway because like the rest of us, you’ll comfort eat your way to March and reach for a kit-kat instead.  You will never have a fulfilling and meaningful relationship in your life if you carry on like that Mary, sort yourself out!

 

Day 3… We read all the books school sent home so I decided to write my own version featuring Chip and Biff with a brief appearance from Kipper.  I thought I should make it relevant, you know, just to make more of a connection with the reader.

 

There is a pan-dem-ic (sound it out).. Biff, Chip and Kipper are learning at home school. Mummy is their new teacher.  Biff doesn’t listen to Mum. Chip doesn’t listen to Mum.  Kipper is a teenager therefore isn’t required by law to listen to anyone.  Mum is on her very last nerve. Biff and Chip can’t sit on a chair.  Biff and chip fight all day long.  Mummy told them she’s going to take their devices but everyone laughs because they know Mummy won’t, after all device time is the only time Mummy gets 5 minutes to think.  Kipper came out of her bedroom for food. Kipper said she’s gonna finish that over due assignment in a minute she’s just having snacks and that Mummy should just leave her alone and chill out.  Kipper rolled her eyes, slammed the door, took a selfie and went back to her room to watch tic tock videos surrounded by all of Mummy’s plates and glasses.  Kipper like Biff and Chip think Mummy is full of herself.  Mummy is at breaking point and really wishes she was pool side with a good book and a tall glass!

 

Day 4... The children have agreed to stop acting like they have jobs already and are going to try super hard to be better students today.  The children agree that they would be sad if Mummy moved to a different country without them.  They did think it was a little extreme that Mummy wouldn’t even Facetime them but they knew Mummy was speaking the truth that they wouldn’t be able to cope with the Daddy’s cooking!  They also knew they couldn’t tolerate spending all day helping daddy look for his very important stuff that he can’t find because somebody must have moved it and not to mention his sinus problems! 👃🏻

 

I had a good catch up with John today, it turns out the Daddy is a little predictable when it comes to passwords. 😜John said he isn’t sure the the new 42 piece mop attachment is revolutionary but he looks forward to hearing what I think of it.  He mentioned about selling snow to Eskimos,  I told him Amazon don’t sell it as I checked!

 

Day 5… These temper tantrums are getting worse but stamping the feet adds to my step count so that’s a bonus.  All teachers should have access to a hotpress, maybe that’s why they actually have store rooms!  They can go in, have a cry, say bad words, throw stuff and ultimately question all their life choices.  I couldn’t blame them to be fair.

 

One of the children has a live zoom class today, so had to brush the hair and even wore jeans for the occasion! The children asked if was I going to a wedding.

 

We were later starting school this morning as one of the children closed the battery cover of the remote control while his lip was still in it.  I don’t know either!  I asked him why he felt the need to put is lip there, his response was that he simply had nowhere else to put it! Anyway to cut a long story short he can’t do his spelling test cause the writing makes it hurt ‘worser’.

2 weeks to mid term break I’ll raise a glass to that.  Happy weekend #homeschoolheroes