Goodbye… for now

After one year in the world’s most watched conflict zone, I am sorry to say that I am writing to you this week for the final time.

My stay in Ukraine has finally come to a close. But I will be back eventually.

As I type out these words, I am sitting in the Baltic states, far away the heart of the conflict.

For a while, Legenda has been receiving less and less donations. With the the charity’s bank account almost empty and my own personal savings spent, the writing has been on the wall for a number of months. What that writing waned us of has now come to pass. Because of financial impossibilities, we have decided to pull out of Ukraine.

However, though we no longer have a base in country, we will continue to provide whatever support we can. Our new mission is to supply Ukrainian Special Forces with much needed 4x4s, and we have organised for a large generator to be installed in a children’s hospital.

This week’s column will be longer than usual. I have a lot to say before I say goodbye.

Our work

IN the last year, Legenda cleared thousands of unexploded ordnance. We started an initiative to demine many towns and villages, and that work will continue long after our exit. We have saved lives. Those who inherit our mission will save many more.

Over the last year, I have walked on all fronts and helped train 650 Ukrainian service personnel on the risks of explosive devices, and how to deal with them.

To do this I risked my life multiple times driving close to the frontline. In August, I came closest to meeting my death, when during an evacuation mission in Soledar and Bakhmut my convoy was targeted by Russian Artillery.

That could have been the end of me.

Leaving Ukraine

FOR me, I have not really left Ukraine. You could say that I am still there in my head.

I watch it everyday. I am following it. I am speaking to people who are still there. I feel like a big part of me belongs in Ukraine, and when the day of victory arrives, I will return.

I will help rebuild the country.

Though I am not there now, I am not completely gone. I know I will be going back.

A relief

IN one way, to be leaving it is a relief.

However, it is hard to adjust after living for one year in such a high stress environment.

To come back into the west, where the ground does not shake and the skies do not roar, it feels strange. People walk around as though the world is at peace here.

They have forgotten about Ukraine, either by accident or intention. That is kind of hard to see, because the country is a massive meat grinder at the minute, and probably one of the most historically significant military conflicts in our lifetime.

Not to sound sanctimonious, but that disappoints me. It is hurts to see that most people just expect things to get better without doing anything to make them better.

The future

THE last year has been life-changing for me.

I went from working for at a tech company in Zurich, to being out on the road as a semi-rolling refugee.

But now it is time for me to try and get my life back into order again.

I have my own online business that I am working on, and I am actually looking into the possibility of getting a bursary to do a Masters in Human Rights Law at Queen’s.

I would like do something that allows me to continue working in conflict, albeit in a different capacity.

Now I am trying to get myself properly positioned in the world again.

As I attempt to piece my life back together, to reestablish myself as a functioning person in a peaceful land, I look forward to seeing my family and friends.

The war

IN the next few months we are going to see a big battle of attrition along a long front.

We have already, in the last few days, seen a much-awaited Ukrainian counter offensive.

The Ukrainians are using their NATO weaponry, and, from watching footage from both sides, there seems to be heavy loses for all. Every inch of Ukraine will claim the blood of both sides

Long-term, I think we are going to look back at this war and rue that we allowed ourselves to repeat the mistakes of the past.

We cannot repeat them again. We cannot let people such as Putin and the Kremlin puppets hold us hostage with our resources, we cannot stand aside as they threaten the world with nuclear armageddon.

There will be many more horrifying scenes and moments of terrible tension before this war
ends, and that end will not be for a while.

What I learned

IN the past year I learned more than I did at any other time of my life, whether in through work, education or charity.

I not only learned about other people but I learned about
myself.

For example, I found out that I cannot put myself last all the time. This instinct almost made me a refugee in a warzone. I came far too close to that.

Frankly, my great desire now is for this thing to end.

For those who ignore it, I think that they are making a big mistake.

I have seen it with my own eyes. There are a lot of people In Ukraine who are paying with their lives for the liberties we enjoy here in the west.

I think that leaves us with a moral and ethical responsibility to help. But for now, any help I provide will be from afar.

I will be home soon.