Fish fingers are for winners – Taste Scene

“What’s for dinner the night?” a friend asked recently after he’d already landed at the homestead.

“Fish fingers.”

“F… fish fingers? I don’t want fish fingers. I hate fish fingers. You’ll have to make me something else.”

“That’s all there is, pal. It’s a week til payday and so it’s fish fingers or cornflakes.”

“I’ll take the cornflakes then. Fish fingers are for losers.”

“You can have the cornflakes. I’ll throw in the milk for free. And by the way, fish fingers are for winners.”

“They are,” he scoffed. “Fish fingers are for feckless clowns that aren’t able to chew their own food.”

Then a thought struck me.

“Have you ever eaten a fish finger?” I asked.

“Are you wise? I ate one once. Sure they look like something that fell out of a North Korean nuclear power plant and the one I ate didn’t taste much better. They’re all crumbly and manky on the inside. I like fish, but I draw the line at mushed up fish eyes and scales covered in neon breadcrumbs.”

“Your loss.”

“Your hair loss, you mean. No wonder you’re going bald, eatin’ that radioactive rubbish.”

“You’re gonna look pretty stupid trying to eat those cornflakes with NO FUPPEN TEETH!”

In the end, this so-called friend declined one of life’s great delicacies: Fish fingers in a floury bap with lettuce and tartar sauce. He declined and then whined about eating processed frozen food. Then he whined some more.

What I didn’t tell him was that I was making the fish fingers from scratch and such was his toffee-nosed complaining, he didn’t even catch on to what I was doing until I had the cod cut into long chunks and had run those through egg and then breadcrumbs.

“You didn’t tell me you were making the bloody fish fingers yourself!” he ranted.

“You didn’t ask. You were too busy turning your nose up at everything. Do you want those cornflakes when we’re eating these?” I indicated the ‘fingers.

“You know what you can do with your cornflakes.”

“Actually, I didn’t think of that in time. I could have crushed up some cornflakes and added those into the breadcrumbs.”

“For God sakes.”

Personally I like frozen fish fingers from time-to-time, so long as they’re not the ‘reformed’ kind.

They’re a relatively cheap form of protein and if the price of everything keeps rising the way it is, we could be glad of a bargain from time to time. Plus they’re good as an emergency dinner when the situation dictates that slaving over the stove isn’t an option. You can basically use any type of fish for home-made fish fingers but a meaty white fish like cod or pollock or haddock is hard to whack. I like them good and thick too, so that you get plenty of texture in the meat and for maximum satisfaction, panko breadcrumbs provide the ultimate crunch. But don’t just take my word for it.

INGREDIENTS (FISH FINGERS)

• 2 or 3 big skinless fillets of white fish, about 600g or thereabouts, de-boned and cut into thick strips

• 1 egg, beaten

• 100g of panko breadcrumbs

• 1 lemon

• salt and pepper

• lots of sunflower oil (for the frying)

TARTAR SAUCE

• 120ml of mayo or four or five good squirts

• 1 gherkin, finely diced

• 1 heaped tbsp of capers, chopped

• 1 small onion, finely diced

• 1 tsp of fresh dill, finely chopped (optional)

• squirt of lemon juice

• seasoning

THE PLAN

Make the tartar sauce by combining all the ingredients in a bowl.

Check the seasoning and adjust as necessary. I like mine good and lemony.

Next, skin and pin-bone the fish and cut into large finger chunks.

Set out the breadcrumbs on a bowl and season with salt and pepper and some grated lemon rind.

Crack the egg into another bowl and whisk.

Then dredge the fish fingers through the egg and then the breadcrumbs, repeating the process until all are breaded and lovely.

Pour a good centimetre of oil into a frying pan and bring up to frying heat.

You’ll know it’s ready when a breadcrumb dropped in sizzles right away. I have my hob set to ‘7’ for this mission.

In batches, fry up the fish fingers for (depending on thickness) one to two minutes on either side. Repeat until they’re all fried and crispy as in the pics, then assemble your bap or sandwich.

Of course, everyone in our house likes theirs differently. The little humans like red sauce, Herself likes salad cream and I like mine with lots of tartar sauce, lettuce and a few drips of malt vinegar.

Better than cornflakes for supper, that’s for sure!

NOTE

You can also use smoked fish to mix things up a bit. And if you can’t be bothered with making fingers, just bread fillets of your chosen fish and fry those.

What’s for dinner the night?