De-bunking facts – At Home

Have you applied for your Covid passport yet? Findus Crispy Pancakes – what a palaver! I thought it would be as simple as downloading the app and sticking in the dates of my first and second doses – but not a bit of it.

As well as signing up for an NI Direct account (which you have to do to complete the process), practically the only information that wasn’t required were my vital statistics.

As a friend of mine said last week, don’t do it if you’re a conspiracy theorist.

Still, it had to be done, especially if I wanted to see the inside of a public house this Christmas (which I do) and you never know, I might even take in some live music at some point.

A friend of mine though, won’t be signing up for the passport seeing as how he doesn’t believe the whole coronavirus thing is completely legit. And before you go thinking it, no, I’m not friends with Sammy Wilson.

This friend of mine though, who shall remain nameless, wouldn’t be far off Sammy Wilson territory when it comes to his ever-increasing efforts to de-bunk facts.

“It’s an anagram for moronic!” my friend suggested when referring to our latest variant, Omicron. “How convenient is it when the bosses of Moderna and Pfizer want to shift some more lucrative boosters and suddenly a new variant appears? I’m telling you, MD, the whole world has been sold a pig in a poke here and this is just the beginning of things, mark my words. The next thing it’ll be lockdowns to combat climate change and vaccines for variants that haven’t been identified and where will it end? It won’t end! Big pharma has the government and the media in their pockets!”

After taking a few deep, cleaning breaths, I considered offering a few bland platitudes to humour my friend and in true Popeye fashion, that’s all I could stands and I couldn’t stands no more.

Redacting the gratuitous expletives, my concluding statement during our phone call went something like this…

“Listen, pal. I don’t care any more and you’re not going to persuade me to make a tinfoil hat today or ever. Even if this whole pandemic thing has been hyped up beyond what it should have, so what? I don’t care if I have to have a booster. I don’t care if I have to have a Covid passport to go for a pint. I don’t care if there’s another lockdown (I’ll just brew more beer).

I don’t care if I have to wear a mask in shops for the rest of my days. I don’t care because I don’t have the time to care. With everything that’s going on in a normal person’s life – weans, work, weekends, mortgages, servicing the car, buying groceries, making lunches, buying Christmas presents, remembering what colour of bin it is on bin day and everything else – I don’t have time to be wondering if the chief of Moderna is putting a spin on things so that he (or she) can sell more vaccines. I. don’t. care.

I have a life to get on with and weans to look about and so if you want to wear your tinfoil hat forever, then fair play to you: Make a second one and wear it on special occasions – I don’t care.” Perhaps unsurprisingly, I haven’t heard from my friend since. He probably thinks my two vaccines have somehow affected my DNA and turned me into a grumpy cyborg. Ah, well. I don’t have time to worry about that either.

On with the programming!

First up, Costa Concordia: Why She Sank (Tuesday at 9pm on Channel5)…

Part one of two. The story of the disaster, which took place in January 2012 when the Italian cruise ship struck a rock, capsized and sank in shallow waters near Tuscany, resulting in 32 deaths. Combining first-person testimony from survivors and rescuers, and previously unseen footage, reconstructions and expert insight, the programme tells the astonishing story in forensic detail of what happened on that fateful night

Alternatively, Landscapers (Tuesday at 9pm on Sky Atlantic)…

Drama starring Olivia Colman, following the true story of a couple who find themselves the focus of a murder inquiry.

Or, Luxury Christmas for Less (Thursday at 8pm on Channel4)…

Part two of two. Sabrina Grant and Sophie Morgan speak to brand insiders, who spill the beans on the nation’s Christmas favourites and how to indulge on luxury products without breaking the bank. This second programme reveals how to get a luxury turkey for less, the secrets behind supermarket champagne and also names the high street brand selling better quality cashmere than top designers – at a fraction of the price

And lastly, Vienna Blood is back for a new series Friday at 9pm on BBC2.

Autumn, 1907, and when a depressed Hungarian Countess is found drowned in the bath of her lavish hotel suite, it looks like suicide. Intense scrutiny falls on her psychoanalyst, Max Liebermann. Investigating Officer Oskar Rheinhardt teams up with the disgraced doctor to solve the riddle of the Countess’ death and clear Max’s professional reputation. Crime drama, starring Matthew Beard.

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