Me – Me – Me – McSherry’s Musings

“The man who lives by himself and for himself is apt to be corrupted by the company he keeps”. I don’t know much about early 20th century American clergyman and social reformer, Charles Henry Parkhurst, but that quotation lodged in my mind.

It contains a gem of wisdom about the danger of becoming too self-obsessed. It is so easy to forget that we human beings are social animals. We can only thrive in relationships with other people, as part of a group. What did God say when he made Adam?

“It is not good for man to be alone.”

And yet, the desire to stand out from the group, to make a name for oneself, is also a part of human nature. Still on scripture; the prodigal son is a famous parable. He has everything he needs before leaving home. Wanting to do his own thing, he asks and receives his share of the family riches and then sets out on the road to his own ruination.

An over-inflated ego is sometimes seen as an affliction, as something that can be treated by certain members of the medical profession. Psychiatrists became known as ‘shrinks’, that is head-shrinkers, because their work often involved bringing people down to their right size, an ego deflation so that they could mix with other people and not try to dominate and be the centre of attention all the time.

There’s a great scene in the film Beaches (1988) where Bette Midler drones on and on about herself and eventually stops. “But that’s enough of me talking about me,” she says, “Now tell me what you think of me.” Spoken like a true egomaniac.

Of course, success often goes to a person’s head, leaving them hard to handle. Take the case of the great comic actor, Tony Hancock. Between 1954 and 1961 he became a national star on BBC radio and television with the classic show ‘Hancock’s Half Hour’. Even today some episodes are shown occasionally on BBC4.

The shows were written by Ray Galton and Alan Simpson who later went on to write Steptoe and Son. It was their writing that really breathed life into the Hancock character, yet after a while Tony Hancock decided to get rid of them. He also did not want to share the limelight with his co-star Sid James, who later starred in the Carry On films. Not content with being a national star, Tony Hancock wanted to be an international superstar. It did not end well. In 1968, while touring Australia, he took his own life in a hotel room.

When there is a group dynamic operating, strong egos can sometimes be kept in check. For example, The Beatles had John Lennon and Paul McCartney, but there was no real front man or lead singer. Sometimes it was John, sometimes it was Paul, or even George. After their meteoric rise to superstardom and world domination, John wryly remarked, “Sometimes, I find myself getting really big-headed, but then I just look at Ringo and I know we’re not supermen.”

But there can be trouble in groups too. During the first lockdown I watched a great documentary about American super group The Eagles. So many people of my vintage will have at least one Eagles song on the soundtrack of their lives. Their Greatest Hits record, featuring songs like ‘Lyin’ Eyes’, ‘Peaceful, Easy Feeling’ and ‘Hotel California’, is among the best-selling albums of all time.

The group had great success throughout the ’70s and split up in 1980. They reformed in 1994, but things were not quite the same. Originally the band had a hippy kind of ethic where all monies were divided equally between band members. But in the reformed band Don Henley and Glenn Frey, who had originally founded the group and were the main songwriters, insisted that they would be paid more. Don and Glenn also had successful solo careers during the break.

Everyone agreed with the new arrangement except lead guitarist Don Felder, who found it impossible to let go of the ‘all for one and one for all’ hippy ethic. As Glenn Frey put it, “He could not be happy about the money that was going into his own pocket because he was obsessed with the money Don and I were making.”

Eventually Felder was thrown out of the band and it’s clear from the documentary that he was devastated by the rejection. During an interview he actually breaks down. He had made the painful discovery that he was expendable. The band went on without him.

If we are lucky, most of us grow out of the ‘Me – Me – Me’ mentality as we discover that other people matter and that we may even learn things from them. We also discover that some disappointments may actually be blessings. Things might not go to my plan, but perhaps there is a bigger plan.

Mind you, the incurable egotist lacks any such insight and will tend to cause trouble wherever he goes. When a person like this is in a position of power, say, running a country, getting on a bit and worrying about his place in history, well, there is no telling what kind of havoc he might cause…