Notes from the Boneyard: Living in the dark ages

There’s something very cleansing about a car wash.

It cleans more than the vehicle. It washes a little part of the soul.

I recall a time when Badger and I decided to go for a washing of the vehicle we were driving. A convertible.

It wasn’t until halfway through the car wash that we remembered why we never washed that car.

Because the roof didn’t fully go up and leaked badly. Panic struck when we realised our blunder, too late to turn back, and we got drenched in soapy water and foam. But we were clean.

That’s the up side of it.

That convertible wasnt the smartest purchase I ever made. It was bought on a whim, on a rare sunny day.

All logic or thought of the future was thrown out the window upon purchase.

We live in the wettest corner of the universe, where it rains 500 days a year.

And having a leaky roof didn’t bode well for the car’s interior.

There was a constant puddle in the back seat. On the one day per year when it didn’t rain, down came the roof to air out and dry the damp from the inside.

But driving a convertible with the roof down seems to be an insult to some people around these parts.

Every stop sign was met with roars of abuse from fellow motorists and passers by. They don’t like to see someone with the roof down in this around here it seems. It rubs them up the wrong way.

Same with a pair of shades. They don’t like to see you wear shades. And if you dare to combine the roof down with a pair of shades then you are in for a kicking.

Coming to think of it, the hat is also the subject of much disgruntlement among a certain ilk of person. I have no idea how some people grew to the age of adulthood without ever seeing someone wear a hat, to the point where when they finally come across a hat upon a head, they feel they have to go out of their way to verbally express their rage.

But enough of all that nonsense. There are more important issues to address.

Like what the hell is going on with the lack of phone signal in most areas of the town?

It’s getting worse, not better. Is technology not supposed to be advancing?

We are a lazy breed, we rely on being constantly connected to the World Wide Web. This simply will not do.

This aggression will not stand. Are we living in the dark ages? Is this not the future yet?

Please can someone have a word with whoever needs to be spoken to and sort this out. It’s a matter of urgency. This has gone on long enough.