The God Slot: Compassion – let it flow

by Father Declan Boland

When we visit a wake house we offer sympathy to those who have lost a loved one and such a gesture is deeply appreciated by those who have been bereaved. Feeling compassion however is of a totally different order, it literally means we suffer with those who are suffering and feel their pain as if it were our own. Compassion is more emotionally challenging than kindness or sympathy, because it involves the willingness to feel the pain of the other and enter into it fully.

In Luke 6:36 Jesus tells us, “Be compassionate as your Heavenly Father is compassionate.” The apostle Paul tells us that our God is the Father of compassion. No mere human could match the depth of understanding he holds for those who are suffering or in pain. In Psalm 103:13-14 we hear, “As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who love him.” In Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other as readily as God forgave you in Christ.”

To contact the suffering of another human being fully and directly is as painful as being in that person’s shoes. For most of us, even to consider such a thing is frightening. When we practise generating compassion we can expect to experience our fear of pain. Compassion practise is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently towards what scares us. The challenge in doing this is to stay with emotional distress without tightening up, to let fear soften us rather than hardening into resistance.

We can begin by wishing that all beings, including ourselves, and those we dislike, be free of suffering and the root of suffering. In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our own experience – our suffering, our empathy as well as all the things that scare us. It has to be this way. It is not a head trip, an intellectual exercise. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present to the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognise our shared humanity.

To start the compassion practise we can say, “through the grace of God may I be free of suffering and the root of suffering. May I be free of anger, … fear and worries.” After cultivating compassion for ourselves we move on to someone on our list: “May my teenage nephew free himself from drug addiction. May my father in the nursing home not be so lonely or afraid. May my sister be free from her anxiety and depression.” The point is not to become overwhelmed, but simply to contact genuine compassion.

Further on we can visualise a friend and cultivate the intention that he or she should not have to suffer. It can be quite specific, “May Paddy stop holding a grudge against his brother. May Julie be free of her unrelenting physical pain.” We can then move on to generating compassion for the difficult people in our lives. It can feel completely unreasonable to make a compassionate wish for those annoying, irritating people. To wish that those we dislike or fear would not suffer can feel like too big a leap. This is a good time to remember that when we harden our hearts against anyone, we hurt ourselves. “May this person who hurts me or irritates me be free from suffering.” Anytime we add the moisture and warmth of compassion, it will automatically expand. If we keep it in the freezer, however, nothing happens.

It is very helpful to take the compassionate practise out into the market place. Maybe some person at the check-out is getting it hot and heavy from an angry customer, you can automatically make a prayer wish that this person be free from embarrassment and nervousness and that their dignity be restored. Or when out driving you see people at the side of the road arguing where there has been a collision and you can send compassion, strength and grace to all involved. Or you have to pull in to allow the ambulance with flashing lights through, you can say, “May all those who are sick or in distress receive comfort, healing and peace.”

At base what is happening when you send love and compassion is that the fruits and gifts of the Holy Spirit are pulsing through you and out powerfully to those you have remembered in prayer. We are then allowing ourselves to be conduits or channels of God’s healing love and compassion. When we practise these aspirations on the spot we no longer feel so separated from others. This is what it takes to become involved with the sorrows of the world, to extend love and compassion, joy and equanimity to everyone – no exceptions.