The Wuff with the Smooth: La dolce vita

One should never be afraid to try new things, as I am always saying to the little humans.

You know the way that time seems to pass more quickly as we age? Apparently that’s because older people have less novelty in their lives and as such, fewer new experiences create a sense of routine with less memorable information for the brain to process.

Novelty, even though it tends to wear off quite quickly sometimes, seems to be the answer to a long, slow and fulfilled life.

Why is why I recently started learning a new language, in this case, Italian. Andiamo!

I’m using the Duolingo app on my phone and at the time of writing I’m on a 137-day streak. I can order pizzas, I can talk about Christmas presents and I can even say, “My room-mate usually does the washing up.” Although why I’d ever want to say that, I’m not sure.

It’s a bit of craic and if nothing else, I won’t feel like such a gam when next I visit the Eternal City.

Waffle though, is a perfect example of why new things aren’t suitable for some people – or some dogs. If Einstein was right, then Waffle’s life must be flying by, because he is the very embodiment of routine.

Last week Waffle received an unexpected invitation – to wit – to attend the auspicious finale of ‘Stormont Dog of the Year.’

“Thought this was something that you and Waffle might want to attend. It’s on Tuesday the 14th of October,” the affable Simon suggested.

Waffle hadn’t been nominated (the contest is strictly for MLAs and their canine companions) but even if he had, we’d have had to politely decline.

I replied thusly…

“Hi Simon, thanks for the invite – that’s a lovely thought.

“Waffle has checked his busy calendar (mainly filled with postman surveillance, pooing on the lawn and the occasional allergy flare-up), and he assures me that he’s available on the 14th.

“Unfortunately, the brains of the operation (ie me) knows only too well that Waffle would take to such an event like a brick to water.

“Apart from me having to listen to him whine the whole way to Stormont, he would be on hot coals for the duration of the event. Put it like this: A butterfly freaks him out.

“Thanks again but for reasons mentioned, I must regretfully decline – which is to say, it’s Waffle’s fault.”

Now, I personally might have enjoyed such an occasion (a haircut, a suit, possibly even complementary beverages) but Waffle would have sunk like the aforementioned brick.

For his part, he’s perfectly content crapping on the lawn and barking at the postman. A trip to Belfast would finish him off. And since this was a dog show, there would be, well… other dogs. Waffle wouldn’t like that. Or rather, he would like it, but perhaps a bit too much – if you know what I mean,

If you’re being kindly, you might say Waffle is a special case. If you’re being unkind, you might say he’s a certified plonker.

Either way, the crux is this: Despite what Herr Einstein suggested, Waffle can make mistakes without ever trying anything new.

Or, as I might now say, agli errori, Waffle non serve la novità.