Dodging a mullet

In terms of the weirdest things you’ve ever seen or heard, what’s up there? Would it be that there’s a hotel in Japan which costs just $1 a night for a room. The only catch being that you have to live stream your whole stay on Youtube?

Or would it be that if you hold in too many farts some of the gas can be reabsorbed into your system and eventually exhaled in your breath?

Or, stranger still, would it be that there’s an Australian bird called a Rainbow Lorikeet who routinely gets drunk by imbibing fermented flower nectar. Then, when loaded like a freight train the birds make loud, drunken noises which the locals find annoying?

Or could it be the stranger than fiction, weirder than weird fact that Frankenstein author, Mary Shelly is reputed to have kept her late husband’s heart for almost 30 years until she too passed away. It was eventually found in a desk drawer a year after her death, wrapped in a copy of one of his final poems?

Whilst all of these examples are super-weird to the point of fantastic, the weirdest thing I have ever seen was last week and I nearly dropped dead from the shock.

The weirdest thing I have ever seen was… *drum-roll*… a dog sporting a mullet. I swear to God, I almost approached the dog’s owner and asked her what the hell she was playing at? And then, the more I looked at the dog, the more I came to think that the hound suited it’s haircut. It generated a certain back-yard panache!

I’m not right sure what breed of dog this was (it was small, probably yappy and blonde) but I’m hoping beyond hope that it’s name was ‘Billy’. I could picture it driving about in a pick-up, listening to Merle Haggard and doffing its battered trucker cap at the ladies. I could imagine it saying, “Dang,” and then flicking away a half smoked Marlboro.

Eventually, I decided I was going to ask the owner, a brisk looking woman in too-tight leggings and too much make-up if I could take a photo of the mutt but ironically, I decided against this plan as I thought it was too weird. Me, too weird?

Seriously though, Google ‘dog mullets’ next time you’re at a loose end. You won’t be disappointed.

On with the programming!

First up, Crossfire (Tuesday at 9pm on BBC1)…

Jo Cross’s world is shattered when gunmen attack the luxurious Spanish hotel where she’s holidaying with her family and friends. The ensuing horror puts lives at risk and exposes numerous secrets. Drama, starring Keeley Hawes, Anneika Rose and Josette Simon.

Alternatively, Seamus Heaney and the Music of What Happens (Tuesday at 10.20pm on BBC4)…

Documentary about the life and work of Irish poet Seamus Heaney, with his widow Marie and children Michael, Christopher and Catherine talking about their family life and reading some of the poems he wrote for them. His surviving brothers Hugh, Charlie, Colum and Dan remember their childhood and the shared experiences that inspired many of his finest poems.

Or penultimately, Escape from Kabul Airport (Wednesday at 9 on BBC2)…

The inside story of the largest airlift in modern US history, which took place in August 2021 when America withdrew its troops from Afghanistan, marking the end of its longest war. The film combines never-before-seen on-the-ground archival footage from the evacuation, alongside interviews with evacuees, eyewitnesses, US Marines and Taliban fighters.

And lastly, what about Mel Brooks Unwrapped (Thursday at 8pm on BBC4)…

Alan Yentob travels to Hollywood to interview Mel Brooks, the comedy actor, writer, producer and director who turned 91 last year. At the time of filming, the musical theatre version of Brooks’ 1974 comedy horror Young Frankenstein had just opened on London’s West End. Yentob marks the occasion by profiling its creator, observing him at work and play, and revisiting archive interviews stretching back decades.