Clearing a low bar

People always advise you to dress for the occasion, but I have reservations about being too aesthetically at one with my environment, and you should too.

It might sound like a weird thing to say, but wearing clothes too befitting of the activity you’re taking part in is not only borderline embarrassing (depending on how much you care what others think of you, naturally), but it actually sets you up for failure.

I’m telling you, people end up expecting too much of a man that looks the part.

I mean, have you ever asked somebody to go for a stroll up a hill and watched as they step out of the car looking like they are ready to take on Everest, the hiking jacket tucked into the combats tucked into the boots?

“Well Edmund, we getting a plane to Nepal or are we walking up Mullaghcarn as planned?”

Or have you ever stood among the boys for a game of seven-a-side and listened to the muted laughter as the 50-year-old goalkeeper lands through the gate, the labels still hanging off his brand new Liverpool strip and the floodlights bouncing off the two hundred pound boots?

“Just back from trials, Johnny? Hope it went well, lad. We are all rooting for you to become the first ever player to get signed for a top flight club at the age of 50.”

Rather than wearing gear that suggests you are better than you are, what want to do is the opposite; create an image that exudes mediocrity, or maybe even something worse than that.

For example, a few years ago when I started surfing, I knew I was going to be useless, therefore, in order to make my uselessness as obvious as possible for my fellow surfers, thus psychologically priming them for the splashing session they were about to witness, I made sure to buy a board that screamed ‘I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SAND AT THE BEACH’.

It worked a charm. Everybody thought I’d be dung, and I was!

However, by buying a big, dented, second-hand banana board, I had manipulated people’s perception so that anytime I done anything other than fail spectacularly, anybody watching was probably pleasantly surprised.

Similarly, I remember when I used to box as a teenager, I always wanted the same boots as Manny Pacquiao, emblazoned with his initials, MP. These, to 15-year-old me, where the coolest articles ever created.

However, believing that wearing such flashy footwear would invite people to compare me with one of the best boxers of all time, or, even worse, cause them to think I was comparing myself to him, I decided to forgo purchasing the Pacman boots, leaving such a move to bolder, less self-conscious boxers.

Now, you might say that this all betrays a lack of self-confidence, and maybe you are right. However, I like to see it as managing people’s expectations.

Keep the bar low enough and you’ll never fail to clear it.

In saying that, there are undoubtedly some situations in which letting on you are better than you are is the optimum course of action.

Such exceptions to the general rule include, job interviews, meeting the partner’s parents… and visits to the confessional box.