Omagh native teams up with Aussie Rule star to help 1 million men

The problem of ‘men not talking about their feelings’ is still often presented to us as an intractable one, born of some intrinsic masculine aversion to revealing our emotions, especially negative ones.

However, Omagh man, David Eccles – who recently received a honorary award for his contribution to men’s mental health – profoundly disagrees.

In fact, every Wednesday morning, as the sun rises above Sydney, you will find plenty of living proof that men can talk, as David and around 300 fellow members of the When No-One’s Watching (WNOW) group come together on Maroubra beach.

There, nobody is told to ‘toughen up’ and ‘get on with it’. There, there is no expectation to ‘suck it up’ or ‘stop crying about it’. Instead of dismissive platitudes and macho cliches, anybody who attends the WNOW group is lent a listening ear and a few genuine words of encouragement.

It was last year when David – a former CBS pupil, living in Australia since 2008 – found himself struggling.

His second of three children, Harper, had just been born, and infant-induced-insomnia had become a prevailing feature of David’s life. The apple of David’s eye was also the thorn in his side that was keeping him from getting a wink of sleep, and, as he freely admits, he was finding it tough.

“I was getting it really hard,” began David, when we spoke with him at the end of last week.

“It’s common culture among women to meet a friend for a coffee and talk about whatever is on their mind – maybe have a chat about something that’s bothering them. My wife Cinthia would have no problem sharing with her friends, but it’s rarer among men.”

But in his hour of difficulty, David’s mind turned to another man who he thought might also have been in need of a talk. That was Kerry man and Aussie Rules superstar, David’s enduring friend, Tadhg Kennelly.

“I’ve been friends with Tadhg for a long time, and I knew that he had just lost his position as assistant coach with the Sydney Swans – a club at which he had spent so much of his playing career.”

David contacted Tadhg, asked him out for lunch, and a date was set.

“We met up and got lunch,” said David, recalling the seed that would eventually grow into the WNOW group. We chatted about family, football, home, work, and how we were feeling about it all. It was good. I felt better afterwards and Tadhg did too.”

The lunches kept coming and eventually the waistbands started expanding. “All these lunches were getting the better of us physically,” sniggered David, “so we decided that a bit of exercise would be a welcome addition to the routine.”

One Wednesday morning, as the sun lifted herself over the Ozzie sea, David and Tadhg met on the sandy shoreline.

“We done a light bit of training on the beach and then took a dip in the water,” said David.

Then, each man turning to the other, a realisation dawned on them.

“If we are getting something from doing a bit of exercise and talking about the stuff that is affecting us, I bet all our friends would benefit from it too.”

Word was put out on social media.

“The next day, there was four, then there was eight, then 20, now there are the guts of 300 men on Maroubra beach every Wednesday morning,” said David.

“There are people here from every conceivable walk of life, in just about every imaginable predicament,” said David.

There are boys as young as eight, and men as old as 80. There are people who struggle with their weight, and there are professional athletes. There are fella’s with big jobs, and there are lads that are out of work.

“There are some married, and some going through divorce. There are people with stage four cancer, and there are people who are in perfectly fortunate physical health.

“It’s completely inclusive and that’s how we wanted it from the beginning.”

The format is simple, as David explained, an intentional decision that makes it easy to replicate.

“We wanted to keep it simple so that men can open charters across the world. We reckon there will soon be six active groups in Australia, and we’ve also had interest from lads in America, Dubai, and we are looking at setting up in Dublin, Cork, and, hopefully, Omagh!”

The sessions start with a bit of light exercise, then the men form what they call ‘a circle of trust’ which gives anybody who wishes the opportunity to introduce themselves, share or celebrate something in their life, or get something off their chest.

“Then,” said David, “we do some really light physical movement, chat and take a dip.

“It’s informal, it’s relaxed, it’s free of any expectations.”

It probably won’t come as a surprise that David and Tadhg were recently awarded the New South Wales Mental Health Commission’s community champion award, for their service to men’s mental health.

“Me and Tadhg both idolised our fathers, but when I think of my father, Kevin, and my uncle, Brian, men of their generation – and to a lesser extent our own – believed that withholding and repressing emotion was a sign of strength, but, while we do champion many traditional masculine traits, we realise that there is huge courage and bravery in being truthful about how you actually feel.

“What we’ve tried to create is an environment in which men feel comfortable doing that, and it’s powerful to see how willing men are to make themselves vulnerable in the right setting. We are all vulnerable, and it makes a huge difference to your mental health to be able to say so.”

The world of men’s mental health is changing, and it is people like David and Tadhg that are at the forefront of this change, leading toward a healthier, happier, more understanding future.

“To start a chapter, all you need is five or six men who want to make a difference to themselves and those around them. We want to get a million people on this journey with us, filling the world with better brothers, fathers, sons, colleagues, friends.”

If you want to get involved, and maybe even start a chapter, visit www.wnow.com.au