Backwards evolution

We had it good in the ‘80s. We peaked. We didn’t need to go any further. As humans.

A trip to the video shop was like going to Disney world.

Going to Disney world would have been like going to the moon.

Making mixtapes for your friends on your ghetto blaster.

Tuning in to ‘Top of the Pops’ on a Friday, and anxiously biting your nails while they did the countdown to see who was Number One that week.

Staying awake late at night to watch the horror film on Channel 4 at 2am.

Saturday night game shows was prime family viewing.

‘Strike it Lucky’.

‘Blind Date’.

‘Catchphrase’.

And the daytime ones too.

‘Going For Gold’.

‘Gimme A Clue’.

And all the rest.

Your social status was determined by whether you had the green screen or the colour screen on your Amstrad computer.

We didn’t have a football pitch to kick around in.

We had to improvise.

We drew goalposts in chalk on the sides of our houses, and kicked the ball in the driveway.

And it wasnt necessarily a football.

It was any ball we could find.

Every house owned a tennis racket, even though nobody played tennis, and there weren’t any tennis courts.

We put £1 coins into the back of the TV to make it go.

We made sure we got our money’s worth.

Even though there was only four channels to choose from.

Before the days of remote controls.

Fighting with your brother or sister over who’s turn it was to get up and change the channel.

We had it all.

We didn’t need or want anything more.

We should have stopped evolving in 1989.

The year of Tim Burton’s ‘Batman’.

The year of ‘Love Shack’ by the B52s.

The year of the funfair.

Freddy Krueger was like Santa.

Does any of this even exist these days?

We have devolved, and become a mere shadow of our former mere shadows.

Plug me out.

Bring me back.