I never asked….

What I am about to say might be like committing column writer hara-kiri. But, here, no better season than the summer to get a start on the building site, so here we go.

I am and always have been a fan of odd opinions, hot-takes and pariah perspectives.

For any given person, exposure to new, off-beat ideas can be illuminating, challenging, interesting, or just straight up entertaining.

More importantly, though, societies that encourage a diversity of thought are almost always healthier and more intellectually vibrant than those that do not.

Now, just to be clear, that is not to say I am a cheerleader for every crackpot commentator and whatever baseless, nonsensical, offensive, dangerous diarrhoea they wish to spew.

However, in principle, I would almost always defend their right to spew it. After all, protecting a space for dissenting voices is one of the key features that distinguishes democracy from dictatorship.

But just because I am a proponent for a plurality of thought in the public space does not mean that I can be bothered listening to what everybody thinks of everything, in everyday life.

In fact, if I ever end up in HMP Maghaberry, I’d say it will be because someone decided to give me their self-important opinion on something I never asked them about, and I had no choice but to hurl them from the nearest window.

(I am imagining my overly-opinionated victim will be light enough to launch. I am not sure what I will do with a more portly pain-in-the-neck.)

I recently came close to causing death by defenestration when somebody asked me if I had watched anything decent lately, to which I replied, ‘Aye, I’ve been watching the US Office. It’s a good laugh’.

“Aww, bleurgh,” came the reply, followed by a gross, belittling guffaw. “I tried watching that and thought it was complete rubbish. The characters were one-dimensional, it was a million miles from anything that would happen in real life, and everything was just so over the top. It was like the UK Office for people who don’t get the UK Office.”

I stared at him blankly, then said, “Aye? Good enough, lad’, which terminated the conversation, and, unbeknownst to him, any possibility of a future friendship.

Now, I know how this looks. Namely, that I am being thin-skinned and overly-precious about my own tastes and opinions.

But that isn’t it. At least, not all of it.

Because, while I do find unsolicited remarks that contradict my own views to be the most rude and, sometimes, offensive, I am not above being irritated even by people who too stridently express sentiments with which I wholeheartedly agree.

Allow me to give you another example.

A while ago, I recommended a book to somebody, which they duly read and enjoyed. Always great when that happens.

However, a while after this, I was in the company of this person and a third party when my friend decided to bring this novel up out of the blue, elevating the author to the highest heights of greatness, and even – I am pretty sure –pretending to have read more of their books, in what I could only interpret as a desperate effort to give their excessively forceful, off-the-cuff literary endorsement more weight.

I watched on painfully as this innocent person had to endure an uninvited lionising lecture about the genius and visionary that was David Foster Wallace, all awhile losing respect for both reader and author with the passing of every next nauseating word.

By the way, if you think the irony of a columnist criticising people being too opinionated is lost on me, refer back to the first line.

Also, in my defence, the difference between me and the people I have just scorned is that at least I give you all the option to tap out at any time by simply flicking the page.

If I were to stop you in the street and start relentlessly reciting my column at you as you went about your business, I would fully expect you to drag me to the nearest pane of glass and throw me straight through it.