Home Schooling Week 3

Day 2… My neighbour called  to ask how we are, apparently she heard the screaming “I don’t want to go to home school “… I told her I’m fine now that I was just a little stressed and apologised as I didn’t realise I was shouting so loud!

 

I’m a bit more motivated today, found a game to help teach the months of the year.  I reckon this could work, this  learning through play is actually proven to be the most effective way to learn so what have we got to loose?  I have  already lost my sanity, my dignity and most definitely my will to live, so here’s hoping.

 

I moved some stuff around in the hot press today, it’s much more comfortable now!  I think I’m gonna forget about geography they can buy a globe when they get big.

 

Day 3… OK, so the months of the year isn’t their thing but that’s ok, you can’t be good at everything right?? It’s not like we don’t all carry around phones these days that tell us the time and date and our exact location.  That reminds me I must remember to put in the kids home address when they get phones,  they strike me as people that will get lost a lot!!

 

School have emailed to ask that I stop calling every few hours, they will let us know when they have a date to reopen and informed me that, no, a stressed out mother doesn’t count as a key worker Seemingly they still can’t attend even if they are dressed in full hazmat gear and apparently bleaching and disinfecting your child isn’t advised! It is in actual fact frowned upon 🤷‍♀️ Right another fire drill and I’m wrapping it up for today, these cornflakes won’t drink themselves!!

 

Day 4.. Jeez, even the cornflakes aren’t helping any more and who knew I’d be so Sargent Marjory?!! Christ I’m sick listening to myself!   Can I not talk in an normal tone of voice any more and I’m as surprised as anyone about how seriously I take full stops and capital letters but there you go!

 

I’m pretty sure the kids don’t like me any more, maybe I’m just over thinking it but I heard the little one say I don’t like Mummy anymore and I think he might just have been talking about me   Ah well, I’ll be a bit more energetic and fun tomorrow.  I’ll try not cry as much either as I think that puts them off counting!  I have also had a total brain wave, I’m going to use pizzas to help teach fractions,  so that’s fun learning and dinner sorted in one. I’m sure I could actually teach in a proper school, my ideas are really innovative.

 

Day 5 .. who actually gives a s**t about a quarter or a half or how many 8ths Peter has or Mary wants?  Just eat the whole dam pizza, it’s not slimming world it’s math ffs!!

 

I have figured out why teachers are always dressed so nice,  it’s because they are always wearing a new outfit because they don’t have time to wash any clothes!! How can there be so much laundry? We aren’t going anywhere!!

 

Do you get teacher training or inset days?  What about a holy day?  Any bank holidays due?   There seems to be more hours of schooling lately than when they were actually going to school!!

 

Does anyone actually use equations in their job?  I mean how necessary are they really?  I don’t for one single second believe there is anyone on the planet that needs to know how many miles per hour the train is travelling if it left the station at 3pm and arrived in bloody Luton at 6pm!!!  More importantly who actually cares if the driver knows, that’s his business not ours … oh what do you do for a living?  oh I’m very important, I calculate the speed at which trains travel… mmm ok, so you’re a speedometer then?!   They really need to re work this curriculum and teach useful stuff like how to help Mummy not have a nervous breakdown!

I’m pouring myself a big glass of cornflakes and eating 4 quarters of this pizza

 

#homeschoolheroes Teachers and classroom assistants we miss you