A fake-away for Saturday night

Living in a rural location has both upsides and downsides. However, which out-weighs which depends on a lot of things: Which day of the week it is, what way the wind is blowing and whether or not I’m experiencing a mild hangover.

In terms of the upsides, it’s always nice not having an unruly neighbour in the estate land home in the wee hours, his skin-full leaking out of the bottom of his bootcuts and then banging on his front door for an age because he lost his keys and his long-suffering wife won’t let him in – despite the fact she’s prancing around the kitchen in her PJs with Shania Twain up full boot whilst simultaneously talking on the phone to her sister, ‘Stace,’ eating a Rustlers burger one-handed, shouting for her son JP to bring her another bottle of WKD and painting her toe-nails.

In terms of the downsides, not being able to have take-away food delivered can be a real killer.

Still, swings and roundabouts, as they say and if I was being health conscious about it, not being able to have take-away food delivered could be construed as a blessing – although that depends on which way the wind is blowing etc etc.

I am sometimes forced therefore, to take measures into my own hands. As you can see from this week’s picture, it wasn’t spuds and bacon for dinner – oh no – someone had to have chicken chow mein.

PAUSE

Have you tasted any of this year’s early potatoes yet? Unreal, they are, unreal. I was fortunate enough to get a bag last week and half way through rubbing balls of flour all round me I decided that if there aren’t spuds in heaven, I’m gonna ask for my money back – or at the very least register a complaint with management.

CONTINUE

As ordering the chow mein wasn’t an option, I was persuaded to fashion my own version of a fake-away. As fortune would have it, I already had all of the ingredients in the house (probably from previous chicken fried rice adventures) and so I had zero excuses available. And as so often happens when cooking hooks up with providence and they decide to be kind, I lucked out at the first time of asking. In other words, the chicken chow mein was exceptional – and which is all the more surprising for me seeing as how I’m not the biggest fan of Chinese food who ever lived.

This recipe is deceptively easy and the beauty of it is, apart from the chicken-protein element, you can use whatever kind of vegetables you fancy. I’ve tried it three times over the past few weeks and it almost shames me to admit, my favourite iteration was the one which included water chestnuts from a tin.

INGREDIENTS

2 tbsps of vegetable oil

2 big chicken breasts, sliced thinly

Your choice of veg (I’ve tried it with sliced red peppers, the water chestnuts, spring onions, peas, asparagus, carrots and shredded cabbage – although not all at the one time).

300g pack of straight to wok egg noodles

CHOW MEIN SAUCE

2 tbsp oyster sauce

1 tsp of hoisin sauce

2 tbsp soy sauce

1 tsp sesame oil

150ml chicken stock

1 tbsp cornflour

1 tbsp honey

THE PLAN

Start by combining all of the sauce ingredients. Mix in a bowl and set aside.

If you’re not using straight to wok noodles, now is the time to cook them up as per packet instructions, strain, rinse under cold water and set aside.

Straight to wok is the way!

Set a large frying pan or wok on a medium to high heat and add in the veggie oil.

Fry up the sliced chicken for a minute or two until golden and cooked through and then remove from the pan with a slotted spoon. Set aside.

Add your veg of choice to the pan (for argument sake, let’s say it’s sliced red peppers and spring onions). Stir fry these for another minute or two to take away a bit of rawness and then return the chicken to the pan with the noodles.

Stir everything together to combine and then add in the sauce. Stir fry for one minute longer and it’s done.

Divide among bowls and top with yet more spring onions and maybe even some toasted sesame seeds.

In our house chow mein is (apparently) best served with a portion of chips and some Chinese curry sauce. Personally, I feel as though a bowl of this stuff is perfect on its own.

Chopsticks are optional.