Fighting through grief

When Gemma McDonnell leaves the dressing room and begins her walk towards the ring, she feels the spirit of her late parents with her.

The Lonesome Boatman plays through the sound system. That’s her father.

The words ‘Never Give Up’ are emblazoned across the back of her black shorts and a sunflower is stitched into the leg of them. That’s her mother.

Last year, Gemma lost both parents within 11 days.

Pamela McDonnell died from a brain bleed on April 25.

Less than two weeks later, on May 6, her husband, John, unable to live without his wife, went and peacefully ended his own life in the calm waters of Enniskillen.

Since then, the Dromore woman, who had never boxed before the double tragedy, has gone six fights undefeated, winning an Antrim Novice Championship, Ulster Novice Championship, Ulster Elite Championship and two semi-pro belts.

She spent the last year training with the Ulster High Performance Team, which, to draw a GAA analogue, is like being asked to train with the Tyrone senior team, less than a year after first learning how to kick a ball.

She is now a good friend and confidante of current world champion, Anto ‘The Andytown Apache’ Cacace.

And to top it all off, she has received an alluring offer to turn professional, one which she is carefully considering.

Crazy is a lazy way to describe a story as complex as this, but it
seems appropriate here. Gemma’s journey is unlikely, tragic and inspirational.

This week, just a fortnight before she and her boyfriend Karl head off to South East Asia for a few months, we sat down with the 31-year-old to reflect on the loss of her parents and the promising career that seems, in some sense, to be blossoming from her grief.

“Mummy and Daddy had a beautiful romance that lasted 33 years. When Mummy died, Daddy couldn’t live without the apple of his eye. People ask me whether I am annoyed at him for what he did. The answer is no; he gave me so much. They both did, and I still have my two sisters, Natasha and Laura,” began Gemma.

With composure, frankness and clear-headedness, Gemma spoke about what happened both her mother and father. However, to do justice to the circumstances surrounding each would require more space than we have.

Suffice to say, Gemma held her mother’s hand as she slipped away, and identified her father’s body soon after it was retrieved.

“I took it upon myself to organise the funerals and all of that. It was something I felt strong enough to do, so I did it. It was as simple as that.”

Then, when the many practicalities that surround two consecutive parental deaths were dealt with, Gemma found a new way to exercise her strength. (Or at least that’s one reading of what happened).

“I told Shane Murphy (local boxing coach) that I wanted a fight. I trained for two months, took my first fight, and it’s been onwards and upwards from there.”

You could look at Gemma’s decision to enter the world of pugilism as one made in search of an outlet for her anger. But, speaking to her, that doesn’t seem right at all. Gemma isn’t angry. Or, at least, that is not the emotion that primarily colours her attitude towards the tragedy that befell her family. Rather, her desire to lace up the gloves comes from a different, healthier, more dignified, place.

“Mummy fought mental health difficulties her whole life. But, despite her constant battle with depression, she was a profoundly positive person. She saw silver linings everywhere. Her motto, her mantra, was ‘Never Give Up’. She wore a wee band on her arm every day that reminded her of that; a symbol that there is always something worth living for; worth fighting for.

“I now carry that same message with me. It drives me on. I want to be successful in the ring and I know I can be. And every time I step through the ropes, I’ll be doing it for Mummy and Daddy. It’s my way of continuing their legacy,” concluded Gemma.

Gemma encourages any local businesses who would like to sponsor her to get in touch.

“If anybody would like to give me a hand to fulfil my dream, it would be greatly appreciated. You’ll find me on social media. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this. If you get anything from it, know that grief doesn’t have to crush you. Just try to find your version of boxing, whatever that might be. Pour your heart and soul into something.”