The God Slot: Change – letting go, looking forward

Since my retirement as parish priest of Camus last August, one of the first questions (and it never varies!) that people ask when they meet me is, “How are you enjoying your retirement?”

At first flush the answer is very simple and I would cite the lack of pressure, responsibility and more time to myself as the reasons for my happiness and contentment. These are still very true and I am very much enjoying exploring new space, but I am discovering that change is a multi-faceted phenomenon and our hearts and minds may not be in synch. So I see myself as a work in progress.

Given that backdrop I thought it might be appropriate to explore the matter more fully.

No one likes change. There is a big disruption in routine and if one gets one’s identity solely in what one does, when that ‘doing’ stops it can cause big disruption. The simple concept of change with all its implications is so difficult for all of us to accept. We are creatures of habit who develop powerful patterns of thought and behaviour. The more often we repeat a thought or action the more it becomes normal and embedded for us. It’s no wonder that Jesus’s opening statement in the Gospels is, “Change your mind.” The more attached we are to our present position and our current perspective, the more difficult any change will be, especially a life altering one.

Think of the significant life changes you’ve experienced and how they have influenced you. These might include getting married, becoming a parent, losing a loved one, breaking up with a partner, children leaving the nest, falling out with a close friend, coping with your sexual identity, moving house… the list is endless. Take a moment to think of other changes you’ve experienced: Changes to your physique and health, (more wrinkles, grey hair, unwanted bulges!) starting a new relationship, beginning therapy, stopping drinking, getting a promotion, starting a new business, or meeting the love of your life. Reflect for a minute on how you have engaged with change. Is it something you welcome or something you try to avoid? If you are adaptable in the smaller changes of life the odds are you will be more than able to cope when the bigger ones emerge.

Our experience of change can be compared to that of a baby in the womb. The baby feels safe and warm and very familiar with its environment. It has everything it needs. But the day comes when the baby has to leave all that is familiar. Imagine the shock of being born! While everyone else celebrates a new birth, for the baby within the womb, being born can be a very traumatic experience.

We all know that resurrection and renewal are the pattern of everything. As I write I can see the small shoots of daffodils breaking the surface and making their presence felt – a very spiritual experience! Our faith tells us that no matter what changes, big or small, we have to experience, that God protects us and is guiding our journey. But simply knowing that we are protected does not remove the sense of loss that change inevitably brings. Loss is loss and we move away from familiar territory to unfamiliar. It is very important to process the sense of loss and the lack of security that accompanies it. This is where we need to allow a bridge to form between what our brain tells us and where we actually are in our emotions. I have found that it is important to hold these opposing poles in our hearts and thus allow the process of adjustment to develop naturally.

In fact, trusting in God really means letting go of what has been achieved and looking forward to what has yet to be accomplished or created. We will know in our hearts when the time is right to make a big decision regarding fundamental changes in our lives. There are two elements to time – chronological time (or watch time) and kairos, a Greek word meaning the right or critical moment. I adapt kairos to mean God’s time. A kairos moment is God’s appointed time to act. So when we are faced with a major decision that will involve a life-changing situation in our lives, it is critical to surrender our decision making to the power of the Holy Spirit who has promised to lead us to all truth.

The Holy Spirt will not send emails or texts! Rather we will have a growing conviction in our hearts as to what is the right and appropriate decision to make and to proceed accordingly.

So how am I enjoying my retirement?

It is refreshing, stress free, tranquil, full of new opportunities – and I have immense gratitude for what has been a joyful and abundant confidence, as His plans for me going forward gradually unfold.