By 
By Paul Moore
Even as a child I was not desperately interested in Halloween. Of course it was good to have time off school even though it meant being at home with a parent who was grumpy because I was off school for Halloween and hence a nuisance around her feet.
I think my disinterest also had to do with the things associated with the time of year, none of which I like. Apples I can take or leave especially when made into soggy apple pie (and why did they not just give me the sixpence instead of burying it in that mess?) and especially when made to dunk for them in a zinc bath full of water, a bath you knew you would be washing in come the weekend.
Pumpkin is a waste of time and energy, particularly when made into blended soup, and every confection had to taste of cinnamon at Halloween hence making every confection inedible. As you can see I was not a picky child when it came to food.
Then there was the issue of scary stuff. Children are innocent and vulnerable souls and I have no doubt this is why adults came up with the concept of Halloween allowing them one night in the year when they could frighten the devil out of their offspring and not end up in court or having weekly visits from social workers.
To be clear – ghosts are not a laughing matter as anyone who has hidden under bedclothes, or even the bed, when strange noises are upon the stairs will tell you.
I do not care about Casper, he was only a cartoon and designed to make us complacent when the real thing turned up.
As for the horror now inflicted on us by a deranged Hollywood film industry I am not versed enough to comment since I have seen none of it. I do, however, work with a young man who did a film degree and specialised in horror movies and listening to him is enough to let me know avoidance is the only tactic when it comes to scary movies.
The main reason I do not like such movies is that they are so predictable and obvious. The victims are invariably young women and one can be certain that by the end the screen will resemble a butcher’s counter first thing on a Saturday morning.
Real horror is much more interesting in that it is hiding in plain sight and is with us, and around us, all day every day. When this type of horror is encountered the really worrying thing is that it is impossible not to want to continually watch it unfold.
The best example of this I have come across lately , and will admit to having become obsessed with, is a programme called ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ or as we fans like to call it SYTTD. It is the most horrific thing I have seen in many years.
The premise is surprisingly simple; a woman about to be wed goes with her family to select a wedding dress. What unfolds over each half hour episode, however, is a snapshot of family competition, envy, greed, misogynism, abuse and humour at others expense you are ever likely to witness.
The main characters are of course the dresses which range from ridiculous to hideous and engulf naive brides-to-be in thousand dollar bills. The entourage are consistently monsters and the brides themselves, who initially seem relatively normal, become brain dead when confronted by the dresses saying things like – ‘I want to be a princess’. But I cannot stop watching it.
So instead of the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ I implore you to give SYTTD a watch this weekend. But make sure you are not on your own, the doors are locked, and you are viewing from a safe distance behind the sofa.
