The Secrets of life – At Home

I mentioned this recently (in some capacity), over the course of something I was writing, but I read an article last week and it had me a-thinking.

It was an article (of sorts) from The Guardian and it was entitled, ‘100 ways to slightly improve your life without really trying.’

The first thing I did was read through the list, from top to bottom and then I read it through again, this time counting the ‘ways’ which are already established in my life or which I have done in the past. I was surprised to note that, out of the 100 ways, I already do or have tried, 57.

Not a bad result, I think you might agree but then again, if this was a 57 per-cent in examination terms it would probably only come out at a C+.

Some of the tips for an improved life that I already practice are, to me at least, par for the course. Although somehow it was nice to know that I didn’t have to be told to do these things. They simply make sense.

1. Exercise on a Monday night (nothing fun happens on a Monday night).

7. Plant spring bulbs, even if they’re just in a pot.

12. Sharpen your knives.

15. Keep your children’s drawings and paintings. Put the best ones in frames.

22. Laugh shamelessly at your own jokes.

27. If possible, take the stairs.

35. Eat salted butter (life’s too short for unsalted).

40. Instead of buying new shoes, get old ones resoled and buy new laces.

42. Don’t have Twitter on your phone.

52. Say hello to your neighbours.

55. Learn the names of 10 trees.

67. Sing!

78. Always book an extra day off after a holiday.

80. Mute or leave a WhatsApp group chat.

82. Cook something you’ve never attempted before.

91. If in doubt, add cheese.

97. Listen to the albums you loved as a teenager.

98. Make a friend from a different generation.

However, there are other things, which, while they are already part of my life, they tend to aggravate me to no end because they aren’t practiced by others. For example…

11. Get the lighting right: turn off the overhead one, turn on lots of lamps (but turn off when you leave the room).

It is the last part of this tip that I have an issue with others not adhering to. More and more, it seems, I find myself walking around the house switching off lights and grumbling loudly, “Am I the only person in this house that knows how to switch off a fuppen light?” And woebegone the little human who appears when I’m mid rant. “Do you not know how to switch off lights? Are your hands for show? Are your eyes painted on?”

For another example,…

17. Don’t be weird about how to stack the dishwasher.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I couldn’t give a monkeys (and I don’t think the dishwasher cares either) if there’s a saucer stacked beside a mug or if the knife is blade up rather than blade down. However there are other people (you know who you are!) who have to stack the dish washer as if it’s going to be inspected by the Queen for uniformity upon opening. This isn’t the army, people!

Then there’s…

43. If you find an item of clothing you love and are certain you will wear for ever, buy three.

At the time of writing I have five identical black T-shirts. They’re nothing fancy but they’re cool (physically cool and also Fonz cool), they fit perfectly and they’re cheap. But now friends and family have started giving me guff about always wearing black T-shirts. Here’s a great top tip for friends and family to slightly improve your life without really trying: Keep your guff to yourself unless you want a black eye.

And yet, there were other entries on the list which I haven’t tried but which I now understand to be genius.

5. Consider going down to four days a week. It’s likely a disproportionate amount of your fifth day’s work is taxed anyway, so you’ll lose way less than a fifth of your take-home pay.

This would be great if you had a job which worked across four days rather than five. Personally, I can barely get my work stuffed into five days, never mind four.

10. Always bring ice to house parties (there’s never enough).

One word: Genius.

19. Take a photo of the tag you are given when leaving your coat in a cloakroom.

Then, by extension, unless you’re stupid enough to lose the tag AND your phone, you’ll never have to fight with the crone behind the counter in the cloakroom again!

However, there are other entries on the list which I don’t imagine I’ll be implementing any time soon.

64. Dry your cutlery with a cloth (it keeps it shiny).

Whilst this may very well be the case (keeping it shiny), I suspect this may be needlessly time-consuming. Next thing you know you’re sanding chopsticks to keep them smooth.

70. Skinny-dip with friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I like my friends (they’re my friends after all) but witnessing them stripping off and dashing into the sea with not a runion on them and seeing all their bits flapping about, isn’t exactly my idea of cerebral yoga. Plus I wouldn’t want to make them jealous seeing my hunkin’ manly physique. The guns would likely scare them too.

On with the programming!

First up (and in no particular order), Kelvin’s Big Farming Adventure shows Monday at 8.30pm on BBC1…

Documentary following Kelvin ‘Andy’ Fletcher as he attempts to set up his own 120-acre farm on the edge of the Peak District, despite having no agricultural experience. The series opens one month in, where the list of jobs is mounting and stress levels are rising. Before investing in their own livestock, Kelvin and his wife Liz get some hands-on experience with a helpful neighbour’s flock of sheep, but the harsh realities of animal husbandry soon hit home.

Alternatively, Winterwatch (Tuesday at 8pm on BBC2)…

Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan present wildlife stories from Wild Ken Hill in Norfolk, featuring thermal footage which reveals animal antics after dark. Elsewhere, Iolo Williams watches the likes of eagles and otters on the Isle of Mull and this winter, Megan McCubbin will be watching the season unfold at WWT Castle Espie in Northern Ireland.

And lastly, the latest landmark series from Sir David, The Green Planet is now showing on iPlayer.

In what could be described as ‘Planet Earth from the perspective of plants’, Sir David Attenborough travels the world to explore the extraordinary ways in which plants have learnt to survive and thrive in almost every environment. It’s a journey that will see the 95-year-old venture to the rainforests of the tropics, and the wildernesses of the frozen north. Pioneering new filmmaking technology will take viewers beyond the capabilities of the human eye to see the hidden life of the green planet.