By 
I read an interesting article last week about the country’s ‘most accident prone’ dog breed.
Admittedly, I expected to find within the article, a photo of aul Waffie peering out at me with his pan-faced idiocy but what I actually found were some sterling examples of mischief.
Every dog owner knows that their loyal companion can become embroiled in mayhem from time to time but apparently, some breeds are more accident prone than others.
“C’mere to you hear this,” I told the hound. “There are dogs out there thicker than you!”
“One dog,” I told him, “devoured a whole wedding cake while another plunged off a cliff while chasing seagulls. Hear that? You’ve got something to aspire to now!”
Featured in the Liverpool Echo, the article quoted one Dr Aimee Warner, a resident veterinarian at a pet insurance company who confirmed that the most cack-handed and uncoordinated breed is none other than the Cocker Spaniel
“All that bounce can land them in trouble,” the good doctor suggested. “They’re prone to eating things they shouldn’t, bumping into objects and generally causing chaos.”
Dr Warner went on to say that a cocker’s curious nature and food motivation make them particularly accident-prone.
“Hear that, Waffie?” I said. “Your da was a Cocker Spaniel, wasn’t he? He was from Leitrim, if I mind it right. You must take after him, then. He must have been a wile man altogether. Like father, like hound.”
I took a quick skip through the rest of the article to see if his ma was anywhere in sight – a bichon frisé – but she wasn’t.
“I’m blaming your aul boy then,” I told him.
Waffle had the dazed look of a dog who had recently been thumped on the head with a weighty object. He seemed to say, “Are you talking to me?”
Despite the lack of Waffle’s ma on the hit list, number two was the Cockapoo, number four was the Labrador and number five was the Golden Retriever. However, two entries on the list were notable. At number three and also at number six was the same entry, namely the ‘Medium mixed breed (10–20kg).’
“You’d be a mixed breed, there Waffie, wouldn’t you. That means you’re on the list twice – two for the price of one. Actually, seeing as how your da was a Cocker Spaniel, you’re technically on the list three times – what do you think about that?”
“I like barking.”
The article also suggested a number of steps which owners can take to help reduce doggy accidents at home. These included fixing childproof locks on cupboard doors and installing bins with tight-fitting lids.
It recommended, “Never leave food unattended: Even 30 seconds away can result in stolen meals, especially with opportunistic breeds.”
“Jeez, Waffie! You’re an opportunistic breed now. And here was me thinking you were just a plonker.”
The article rounded off by suggesting the diligent owner checks their garden for any toxic plants that an errant hound might consume.
This reminded me of a story a man told me once about his dog eating a bag of cement. Said dog obviously had to be rushed to the nearest doggy hospital, though I know not whether he or she lived or died.
I consequently relayed said tale to Waffle who looked at me as if to say he wouldn’t mind a good feed of cement.
“Would it set fast?”
It’s easy to laugh at the mischief of dogs, but truth be told, all the chaos is part of what makes them great company. They dive headfirst into life (sometimes literally) and remind us that a bit of pandemonium now and then keeps things interesting. And if that means a few broken mugs or stolen sandwiches along the way, well, that’s a small price to pay for a wagging tail and a loyal friend.
PS. If you’re reading this, Waffle, you’re still a plonker.
