New support group for road death bereaved launched

CAOIMHE O’Brien was only 23-years-old when she was killed in a road collision just outside Strabane, leaving her mother, Marie, utterly devastated. A week after Caoimhe was laid to rest, Marie’s brother-in-law, Eugene O’Brien was struck by a car in Newtownstewart.

A few weeks later, his life support machine was turned off..

Many of us will be fortunate enough to live our lives without ever having to understand the trauma of losing a loved one in a road traffic accident. But last year there were 56 road deaths in the North, each leaving behind a web of shattered friends, siblings, partners and parents.

The UH spoke with Marie O’Brien, who is now secretary of Life After, an organisation who help families piece their lives back together in the wake of a road death.

‘When I  said goodbye to Caoimhe for the last time, I thought my life had ended’

Life After was born in Strabane and Derry, but has recently launched in the Omagh and Fermanagh District Council area.

“All of our support staff have first-hand experience of the pain of a losing a loved one in a road accident,” said Marie.

“When I said goodbye to Caoimhe for the last time, realising that I would never see her face again, I thought my life had ended.” she added.

“I felt totally lost and really thought that I had nobody – I was suicidal.”

Not knowing where to turn and feeling isolated in her pain, Marie decided to attend a Life After meeting in Derry, as a ‘bereaved relative’.

“After the first meeting, I remember thinking that this was not for me – I was roaring and crying. I thought I would never be back.”

But a month later, Marie found herself at another meeting, drawn back by the same thing which made it so hard the first time – an opportunity to speak openly about Caoimhe and Eugene.

“Everybody there knows exactly what you are going through, and they know how to listen. They understand that their words might not be of any use to you, because really there are no words; sometimes there is nothing anyone can say. But what they can do is lend an ear, and genuinely understand the hurt you are going through. You are never going to get over it, but they can help you get through it.”

Attending more meetings, and getting to make genuine friends within the organisation, Marie began finding herself supporting others as well receiving support herself.

“At its heart, Life After is families helping families. It’s people who share a terrible thing in common, listening and talking with each other,” said Marie.

“When I go into a meeting,” she continued, “I gravitate to people who have lost children, and they tend to gravitate to me, but there are others who have lost spouses and partners and they engage with each other. People are desperate to find someone who can relate.”

Marie now believes that Caoimhe’s life was not lost in vain, because it has given her the gift of understanding, and the capacity to help people who believe they are beyond help.

“Life After saved my life. Now I am giving back what I got from it, and maybe I can help save somebody elses.”

Fatal road accidents are all too familar: Every year many lives are lost, leaving countless more forever damaged.

But Life After will now be there to offer ongoing support, providing bereaved families, on an individual basis, with a range of support including home visits, counselling, court support, monthly family support meetings and advocacy support.

“Our meetings don’t work for everyone, but they might just be the lifeline you need.” explained Marie.