The God Slot: Why are others so happy, except me?

Fr Declan Boland

We have touched on ‘the happiness mentality’ in the past but today let us re-visit it at a greater depth.

The happiness mentality is more widespread today than ever given our increasing affluence and the availability of such amazing technology. The basic assumption of the happiness mentality – in spite of considerable hard evidence to the contrary – is that if one lives one’s life correctly one will be happy. The opposite view is that if one is not happy, one is doing something wrong.

These two beliefs form the foundation of a system that has become so rampant in in recent years that many people now feel any sign of unhappiness in their lives is a symptom of psychological or spiritual disorder. People who believe this strive to resolve or repress unhappiness as quickly as possible. If their attempts fail, they often seek the advice of a counsellor a psychotherapist.

While the happiness mentality may provide some help in encouraging people to respond to their problems and not wallow in self-pity, it has a far more destructive effect in the long run. The happiness mentality causes people to repress or deny many of their own negative feelings. It prohibits the rich experience of living through painful experiences and of fully feeling and being in the sadness, grief, and fear that are natural parts of human existence. It fosters a very shallow quality of life, with limited ranges of emotion.

Some shallow conditions of ‘happiness’ may be achieved in this way but joy is altogether out of the question. Most of us know that trying to stop agony in the experience of life will also stop us from experiencing joy. To try to accomplish one without the other is to dilute both the experience and the meaning of life. But the happiness mentality tries to overcome this knowledge convincing us that sadness is unhealthy and causing us to reject all our negative feelings. If I can have more of this or more of that then I will be happy. Sorry dear friends, that will not work. One of the greatest defects of the happiness mentality is that it prohibits sensitivity to the sufferings of others. The happiness mentality maintains that one must first organise one’s life towards the absence of discomfort. Even if a person manages to accomplish this for a brief period of time the terrible pain in the rest of the world still exists. One cannot deny it or shut it out. Unhappiness is now seen as a psychological defect, rather than an invitation to go deeper and find the presence of God in the very pit of our sufferings.

Whenever one is preoccupied with happiness the possibility of real joy is stifled also. Holy men and women and poets have long maintained the difference between these two states but our society is just barely beginning to appreciate how radical that difference is. Happiness has to do with the satisfaction of needs and the avoidance of pain at all costs. Joy is altogether beyond any consideration of pain or pleasure and in fact requires a knowledge and acceptance of pain. From a Christian perspective it means sharing in the cross of the Lord in the full knowledge that all our pains and sorrows are taken up and resolved through the victory of the Resurrection. There is no way around pain, sorrow and emptiness, only through it and Jesus has led the way for us. That is the ultimate reason for our joy.

Another even more serious problem which the happiness mentality brings is the delusion that one can accomplish one’s own spiritual growth if only one tries hard enough. You would not need a Saviour as you could save yourself!! I call it the DIY spirituality which is rejected totally by every major spiritual tradition in the world.

Likewise people may think that unhappiness is caused not by personal failure but by being abandoned by God. The problem with a happiness-minded spirituality is that one’s faith is determined by one’s mood. Happiness is a sign of being loved by God or having earned or achieved that love. Sadness is a sign of being rejected by God or having failed in the proper conduct of one’s life.

Paul in Phillipians 4:4-8 tells us, “I want you to be happy, always happy in the Lord; I repeat, what I want is your happiness. Let your tolerance be evident to everyone.”

The happiness he refers to is not a mood swinging superficial happiness, but something much deeper that has embraced the crucifixions of life, and now shares the light and victory of the Resurrection which is the true meaning of genuine happiness.