“When Marian died, I thought I would be forever in a dark place”

A local author has released a poignant new book in which he confronts the challenge of bereavement following the loss of his beloved wife, Marian.

Both a memoir and a guide, Donald (Don) McGurgan’s Mourning Has Broken seeks to dismantle the stigma surrounding grief and mental health, encouraging readers to embrace their emotions and seek support during life’s most challenging moments.

“When Marian passed away in 2000, I thought I would be forever in a dark place,” Don said. “But, in hindsight, I was planted.”

Don and Marian met in 1972 at a dance in the Gap Ballroom when they were both 17.

Reflecting on those early years, Don explained, “We met during the height of the Troubles, so our social life was centred around local venues and dances.”

Don described Marian as ‘very religious in a true sense of the word’.

Diagnosed with cancer, Marian faced her illness with grace and strength. Don recalls her bargaining with God for more time with their children, once waking him in the middle of the night to say she needed at least ten years to see them reach independence.

“Here we were, a young couple in our mid-30s, bargaining with a God that she was taught to love and trust, to be allowed the gift of life to see her children grow.”

Don recalls that upon both turning 40, he and his late wife did not feel like birthday parties or any outward sign of celebration.

“I gave her a nice diamond ring and she gave me a Rolex,” he recalled.

“She also gave me a card saying, ‘This is an expensive watch, but not nearly as precious as the time we might have’.”

In the aftermath of Marian’s passing, Don grappled with grief in silence, immersing himself in work to avoid confronting his emotions. A decade ago, he became a volunteer counsellor with Cruse Bereavement Support, using his own experiences to help others navigate their loss.

Commenting on the book, Don explained that it offers practical tools for those facing bereavement and for individuals supporting grieving loved ones.

“During our lives, we will experience many types of loss,” he said.

“This book is designed as a support for bereavement, but it can strike a chord with anyone facing a major life changing experience and feeling unable to cope.”

Don said that he was prompted to write the book after struggling to find locally produced reading material to support his clients.

“To protect my clients, I would refer to my own experiences as a guide for those facing despair in their grief.

“So afterwards, I thought I would pull it all together and with encouragement from my children and daughter-in-law, we were surprised that we had a 200 page book.”

The book’s foreword was penned by Don’s long-time friend, Fr Brian D’Arcy.

In it, Fr D’Arcy says, “We should be aware that grief will consume us if we allow it to.

“Sometimes, a shadow of grief hangs over every part of our lives, yet we should not allow grief to overwhelm us because life must go on.

“I believe we never ‘get over’ the loss of a close family member or loved one.

“We learn to live differently without them; we accept that life goes on even though it can never be the same.

“It was put to me this way; we must learn to walk well with a limp.”

Mourning Has Broken also includes a poem by journalist Frank Galligan, written in memory of Marian, and a recommendation from UTV’s Paul Clark, who has known Don for over 40 years.

‘Mourning Has Broken’ is available now at Top News in Omagh and will be available soon on Amazon and in other local retailers.